IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
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Some believe that choosing and pursuing a sole career from early years can bring more satisfactory work experience as compared to having multiple job changes. I personally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to a large degree, given my knowledge and what I see and hear in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society. First of all, we are living in a time
that is
Linking Words
 full of uncertainty, as seen by the changes in all walks of life, which are made more complicated by the rise of modern technology
such
Linking Words
 as the internet. A person who is determined to make a living of stability is most likely to be let down, because of the impossibility of sticking to one field without gaining skills and interdisciplinary expertise. Those who develop in multiple areas,
however
Linking Words
, may be more financially well off thanks to their ability to grasp different opportunities and make connections in distinct fields.
For example
Linking Words
, a real estate salesman who was quite well off 10 years ago in the Chinese market, would be better off if he chose to become
salesman
Correct article usage
a salesman
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 a live-streaming 10 years later, since the latter has grown much more lucrative than the former. Apart from potential financial benefits, being open to change and flexibility in career choice can
also
Linking Words
 bring more vitality and vigour, contributing to building a more holistic character. As the saying goes, ‘Life is more of a wilderness than a track’. People who have
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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 in different careers are more flexible, adaptable, and resilient,
whereas
Linking Words
 those who are stuck in a single job tend to be more paranoid and workaholic, being fearful of the unpredictable consequences that change may bring. Some careers,
such
Linking Words
 as therapist and HR, are likely people who undergo a shift in profession, as these jobs require
accumulation
Correct article usage
an accumulation
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 of insight from a variety of knowledge and experiences.
Hence
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in a modern society that
lack
Change the verb form
lacks
show examples
 certainty and stability, remaining open to changes in career plans is beneficial for a person both financially and mentally.
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coherence cohesion
Improve transitional phrases between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Provide more examples or evidence supporting your points for a more robust argument.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph clearly relates back to the central argument.
task achievement
The position taken is clearly stated and supported with relevant arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an effective introduction and conclusion that frame the argument well.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are clearly and logically organized.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
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