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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the protein and calorie intakes of people in different parts of the world.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the protein and calorie intakes of people in different parts of the world.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar graphs illustrate the average
protein
Use synonyms
 and
calories
Use synonyms
 taken by people from India, East Africa, Latin
America
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, and North
America
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that people in these countries consume more animal
protein
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, with North
America
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 being the highest consumer of animal
protein
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 and
calories
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,
while
Linking Words
 India has the lowest . In terms of
protein
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North
American
Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
show examples
 take animals as a leading
source
Use synonyms
 of their
protein
Use synonyms
 with 62,
while
Linking Words
 18
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the Indians get most of their
protein
Use synonyms
 from the other
source
Use synonyms
 at 15,
while
Linking Words
 13 come from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animal
protein
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, East
African
Fix the agreement mistake
Africans
show examples
have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a balance choice
balance choices
show examples
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 choices between animal and
other
Change the wording
another source
other sources
show examples
source
Use synonyms
 of
protein
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 Latin
America
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's
protein
Use synonyms
 average from
other
Change the wording
another source
other sources
show examples
source
Use synonyms
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
 13. In terms of calorie
intakes
Fix the agreement mistake
intake
show examples
, it can
also
Linking Words
 be noted that the average calorie intake of North
America
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 is above 3000, followed by Latin
America
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 and East Africa
less
Change preposition
with less
show examples
 than 3000
calories
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, India has the lowest
Use synonyms
calories
Fix the agreement mistake
calorie
show examples
 intake at 2000
calories
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words protein, calories, america, source with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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