IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems? What measures can be used to solve these problems?

it is obvious that every
person
Use synonyms
 who is educated always
migrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
migrates
show examples
 from rural to metropolitan
areas
Use synonyms
 for better opportunities and for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and it could
led
Change the verb form
lead
be led
show examples
 to
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 for both places. in
this
Linking Words
paragraph
Add a comma
paragraph,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the possible outcomes of
this
Linking Words
 and
solution
Correct article usage
the solution
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 as well.
Initially
Linking Words
, when a
person
Use synonyms
 moves from
Correct article usage
a villages
show examples
villages
Fix the agreement mistake
village
show examples
 to
urban
Correct article usage
an urban
show examples
area
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 it creates
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 for both places. for villages it can lead to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more uneducated masses in one
place
Use synonyms
 and uneducated
persons
Use synonyms
 cannot help more to develop the
place
Use synonyms
 because that kind of
Use synonyms
persons
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not know how to take help from authorities to develop the
place
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, it is
Use synonyms
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
 for cities because there
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a limited jobs in every city and if
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 from other places come
then
Linking Words
 it is less
possibility
Replace the word
possible
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 to get jobs who live in that particular
area
Use synonyms
. To add
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
, it is difficult for local authorities to provide every service to each
pesron
Correct your spelling
person
 who lives in that
area
Use synonyms
 because of
larger
Correct article usage
the larger
show examples
 audience. To solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
initially
Add a comma
initially,
show examples
 government should provide more job opportunities in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. It can help
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 to stay
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their birthplace because they already
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to earn money to nurture their family.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can encourage other
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 to get qualified and to earn money. To support
this
Linking Words
, every
person
Use synonyms
 who
migrate
Change the verb form
migrates
show examples
 to other
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 migrate only for the sake of money and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 lifestyle. if
Use synonyms
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 is getting
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 services in
rural
Add an article
a rural
show examples
area
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 it is less
possibilty
Correct your spelling
likely
 that
Use synonyms
person
Correct article usage
the person
show examples
 will leave the
place
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in rural
Use synonyms
areas
Add a comma
areas,
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 educated
person
Use synonyms
 can find
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
any source of income through his or her knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 educated
person
Use synonyms
 can grow different types of crops that
pays
Change the verb form
pay
show examples
 more. it can solve the big
problem
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, It is the duty of both government and
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 to develop every
area
Use synonyms
. if every
Use synonyms
persons
Change to a singular noun
person
show examples
 moves to cities
then
Linking Words
 rural
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 never can be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
developed.
Linking Words
also
Add a comma
also,
show examples
 local
persons
Use synonyms
 who are in charge should focus on rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to provide more services.

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relevant specific examples
Strive for more clarity and depth in the examples you provide to illustrate your points. Adding detail will help solidify your arguments and make them more convincing.
logical structure
Consider improving the logical flow of your essay by ensuring that each paragraph clearly leads to the next. Use connecting phrases for smoother transitions.
introduction conclusion present
Revisit your introduction and conclusion to ensure they clearly define and summarize your main points and arguments. A strong start and finish can boost overall coherence.
complete response
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and identifies relevant issues caused by migration from rural to urban areas.
clear comprehensive ideas
You propose viable solutions to address the problems associated with rural-to-urban migration, showcasing an evaluative component to your writing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • movement
  • people
  • agricultural
  • areas
  • cities
  • serious
  • problems
  • measures
  • solve
  • overcrowding
  • housing
  • shortages
  • rental
  • prices
  • decline
  • agriculture
  • food
  • shortages
  • demand
  • jobs
  • unemployment
  • competition
  • workers
  • pollution
  • traffic
  • congestion
  • environment
  • quality
  • life
  • population
  • services
  • schools
  • healthcare
  • difficult
  • remain
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