IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays people have cosmetic surgery to improve life. Why do many more people choose these operations? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In today's world,
people
Use synonyms
 are having more
surgery
Use synonyms
 in order to improve the way they look. One of the main reasons is the advances
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology and more advertising and information in social media. Even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
, a medical procedure
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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could be a risk,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think it is a positive development because it brings to each person the
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
 to change their physics. On one hand, thanks to technology cosmetic
Use synonyms
surgery's
Change noun form
surgery
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 procedures are done easily,
therefore
Linking Words
, they are cheaper than before and
people
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 have more hospitals to choose
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
 Because of that, those
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of surgeries are more
accesible
Correct your spelling
accessible
for
Change preposition
to
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 everyone,
also
Linking Words
, some private hospitals have different
payment's
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payment
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 methods.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, social media and advertising have made more popular
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
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 of
surgery
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 can have
easily
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easy
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 access to inform themselves about
surgery
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, they can talk with health professionals or other
pacients
Correct your spelling
patients
 to resolve any doubts they may have about the procedure.
Because nowadays
Correct word choice
Nowadays
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, cosmetic
surgery
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 is no longer a tabu and
people
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 should not be ashamed
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it.
Instead
Linking Words
, I think cosmetic surgeries are a positive development because they can improve
Use synonyms
people live's
Verb problem
people's
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 quality. They have the
rigth
Correct your spelling
right
 to choose how they want to change their look as a part of their own self-care and there
is
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are
show examples
 many options on the market, where
people
Use synonyms
 can find the hospital that
are
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is
show examples
 more comfortable for them. In conclusion, many
people
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 choose
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
 cosmetic
surgery
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 because it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
so
Correct word choice
as
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 expensive as before and they have access to all the medical information about it.
Those procedure
Change the determiner
That procedure
Those procedures
show examples
 can benefit
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 because each one can improve the way
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 look
base
Replace the word
based
show examples
 on what they want.

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grammar
Some grammatical inaccuracies are present, but they do not impede understanding. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of definite and indefinite articles.
task achievement
While the essay touches on the reasons for choosing cosmetic surgery and the writer’s opinion on its impact, including more specific examples or case studies could strengthen your arguments and provide a clearer perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for the increase in cosmetic surgery and the writer's stance.
task achievement
The writer effectively identifies advancements in technology and the role of social media as factors contributing to the prevalence of cosmetic surgery.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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