IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. He suggested you should contact him for a possible job opportunity. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter: * remind him when and where you met * tell him what kind of job you are interested in * say why you think you would be suitable for this job

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job #opportunity
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Dear
sir
Use synonyms
 I am Gurbakhshish Singh from Brampton. I met with you during the flight from India to Canada on December 2023
in
Change preposition
on
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Air
Correct article usage
an Air
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 Canada flight. That time
sir
Use synonyms
 you asked me to contact you for the job opportunity after the
successfully
Change the adverb
successful
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 completion of my studies.
Initially
Linking Words
, I am looking for a hotel
supervisior
Correct your spelling
supervisor
 job. Moving
further
Linking Words
, that time
sir
Use synonyms
 you told me that you have
chain
Add an article
a chain
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 of hotels and you are always looking for hard workers.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I am suitable for
this
Linking Words
 position because
i
Change the capitalization
I
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sucessfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
 completed my hotel management
from
Change preposition
at
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University
Correct article usage
the University
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 of Toronto with good grades.
Also
Linking Words
 during
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
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internship
Add a comma
internship,
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 I got better feedback and that hotel gave me the opportunity to supervise the other staff and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 did
this
Linking Words
 well. Moving
further
Linking Words
, I am suitable for
this
Linking Words
 position because I can handle the load of
this
Linking Words
 position. Thank you
Sir
Use synonyms
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 faithfully Gurbakhshish Singh 2 Jan 2025
Submitted by hoenytoor on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure formal letter conventions are adhered to, such as using a title in the greeting, e.g., 'Dear Mr. Smith'
Coherence and Cohesion
Review grammatical structures to avoid minor errors, such as subject-verb agreement.
Task Achievement
You remind the businessman clearly about where and when you met, which provides essential context.
Task Achievement
You've articulated well what kind of job you're interested in and why you are suitable for it, providing relevant background.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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