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Writing Samples
Band 5

MANY BELIEVE THAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY HAS BROUGHT PEOPLE TOGETHER, BUT OTHER SAY IT HAS DRIVEN US APART. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWPOINTS

#technology #people #viewpoints
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In the
last
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 few decades, innovations have brought multiple revolutions to the world. It is believed that the advancement of technology is the cause for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 to stay together,
while
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 some argue that it keeps individuals separate. In my opinion, technology has taken the world to a different level in many ways
such
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 as education, health and infrastructure.
This
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 essay will elicit both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viewpoints in the following paragraphs. To commence with, it is convenient for
people
Use synonyms
 to connect with each other rapidly through digital advancements. To elaborate
it
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, individuals who are far away from their
families
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 can communicate
any
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at any
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 time with the assistance of social media platforms
such
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 as WhatsApp and Instagram.
For instance
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, there are multiple international students in Canada who have not met their
families
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 for many years, eventually, these media platforms make them stay connected with their
families
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.
In addition
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, the advent of technology is
also
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 conducive
for
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to
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 the development of the world. Digitalization made everything convenient and modernized which is attracting folks to develop themselves as well.
Thus
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, these inventions play a vital role in keeping individuals together
However
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, there is no doubt that
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 are addicted to automation which has various drawbacks. To make it simple, most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans are dependent on automation
due to
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 its superior benefits which include basic house chores and work jobs.
Hence
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, it makes humans lethargic and overly dependent on innovations.
Moreover
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, folks are
also
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 fascinated with the digital lifestyle which makes them show off on social media. To exemplify, there are a number of content creators and their earnings only depend upon the content they post on the social news.
Therefore
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, these factors can be the reason behind
people
Use synonyms
 staying apart as they are more indulged in exploring and experiencing innovations rather than spending time with their loved ones and
families
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. In conclusion, it is true that the advancements make
community’s
Correct article usage
the community’s
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 lives more appropriate and streamlined which attracts them the most
whereas
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, it
also
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 puts human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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 apart by fulfilling the emptiness in their lives. In my perspective, it is a positive revolution as it can enhance the growth of the economy and create plenty of opportunities for
people
Use synonyms
 to grow.
Submitted by harmeetkohli31 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly presents a single main idea and that these ideas follow a logical progression throughout the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a clearer understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Although the essay provides a balanced discussion, make sure to address both viewpoints more equally in terms of content and analysis.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and provides a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
The body paragraphs discuss both viewpoints, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear opinion, maintaining consistency with the essay's argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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