Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing，while others argue that it is not suitable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #positions #government #thing，while

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It is obvious that

youngsters

Use synonyms

are approaching in each and every field

also

Linking Words

in the government

sector

Use synonyms

as well.

While

Linking Words

, some

person

Use synonyms

thinks that

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

can not hold the responsibility of a country, whilst, some oppose it. I will discuss both views

along with

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my opinion.

Initially

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, It is the point of view of

group

Add an article

a group

the group

show examples

of masses that, youth are not suitable fit for

high rank

Correct your spelling

high-ranking

show examples

positions that

comes

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come

show examples

under the authority. It is true

Change preposition

show examples

some extent

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because high profession sectors

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

lot

Change the article

a lot

show examples

of experience. To add on

this

Linking Words

, these jobs always

comes

Change the verb form

come

show examples

with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

lots of responsibility and

Correct article usage

show examples

unexperince

Correct your spelling

inexperienced

unexperienced

inexperience

employee cannot do it

proprly

Correct your spelling

properly

Also

Linking Words

, when a worker

is involve

Change the verb form

is involved

show examples

in a

sector

Use synonyms

who

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

is responsible

to solve

Change preposition

for solving

show examples

the problems of much populated area

then

Linking Words

some times

Correct your spelling

sometimes

show examples

youngsters

Use synonyms

feels

Change the verb form

feel

show examples

nervous.

For example

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Population

Correct article usage

the Population

show examples

of India is more than a billion and for any

new age

Add a hyphen

new-age

show examples

Use synonyms

person

Add a comma

person,

show examples

it is difficult to solve the problems of all

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

On the other hand

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, Some people think that it is the era of advancement and youth always adopt the new advancements in any

sector

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very easily. To specify

this

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, nowadays everything is done by machines and

youngsters

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can operate these

machine

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machines

show examples

much faster than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elder

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

such

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

computers, phones,

softwares

Correct your spelling

software

and so on. Moving

further

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, it is obvious that

new comers

Correct your spelling

newcomers

show examples

can do any work

more fast

Replace the words

faster

show examples

and

efficiencly

Correct your spelling

efficiently

efficiency

rather than the old employee because

youngsters

Use synonyms

have more energy.

Linking Words

Further More

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

show examples

, if a

person

Use synonyms

joins any authority

sector

Use synonyms

only

then

Linking Words

he can get

experince

Correct your spelling

experience

after one age

person

Use synonyms

is not able to understand each and every thing.

To conclude

Linking Words

according to

Change preposition

show examples

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

my point of view, In government jobs

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

should be

the

Correct article usage

show examples

mix of young age employees and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

experience

Correct your spelling

experienced

show examples

persons. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

youngsters

Use synonyms

can learn lots of things from the experience of old

worker

Fix the agreement mistake

workers

show examples

and old workers can take help from the youth to learn about the advancement in technology.

Submitted by hoenytoor on Sat Jan 04 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument or presents a separate viewpoint, then ties it back to the essay’s main thesis.

task achievement

Try to enhance sentence structure and word choice to improve readability and reduce repetitiveness.

task achievement

The essay presents a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument with a clear opinion.

coherence cohesion

There is an attempt to provide a structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
41
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

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