IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It’s widely believed that children of different levels of intelligence should be taught together, while others think that more intelligent children should be taught separately. Discuss both views and present your own opinion.

#it’s #children #levels #intelligence
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Some people argue that
children
Use synonyms
 of different
intelligence
Use synonyms
levels
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 should be taught together,
however
Linking Words
, other individuals believe that those who have high
intelligence
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levels
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 should be taught separately.
While
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 teaching
children
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 of different
intelligence
Use synonyms
levels
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 separately provides the opportunity for giving extra
care
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 to
children
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 with low
intelligence
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levels
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, I personally believe that teaching
children
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 of different
intelligence
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levels
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 together is more beneficial because
children
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 of low
intelligence
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 can learn and
inspire
Wrong verb form
be inspired
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from
Change preposition
by
show examples
children
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 of high
intelligence
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levels
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. If
children
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 of high
intelligence
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 and low
intelligence
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 are taught separately, it is possible to provide extra
care
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 to those who
Change the verb form
require
show examples
requires
Correct pronoun usage
requires it
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. It provides
children
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 of low
intelligence
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 with extra time, effort and
care
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, which is necessary for their progress.
For instance
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, in Japan, many primary school
children
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 who have lower
intelligence
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levels
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 than others are taught separately by their teachers with extra attention and
care
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.
This
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 helps low
intelligence
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level
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children
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 to identify their weaknesses and work on them.
However
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, I personally believe that if in the
classroom
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, all
children
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 have the same
intelligence
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level
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,
low intelligent
Add a hyphen
low-intelligent
show examples
children
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 will not have anyone to
have inspiration
Verb problem
inspire them
show examples
. If
children
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 of different
intelligence
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levels
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 are taught together, it allows
children
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 of low
intelligence
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levels
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 to be inspired by
students
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 of high
intelligence
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levels
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. In a
classroom
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. When a child of high
intelligence
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level
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perform
Correct subject-verb agreement
performs
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 better than a low
intelligence
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level
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 child, who have low
intelligence
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level
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 can be inspired by their successes and can be motivated to achieve the same.
For example
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, in Bangladesh,
children
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 of different
intelligence
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levels
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 study in the same
classroom
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, which allows
children
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 of low
intelligence
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 to follow
high
Add a hyphen
high-intelligence-level
show examples
intelligence
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level
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students
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 and perform like them.
This
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 fosters the progress of low
intelligence
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level
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students
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.
Therefore
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, I personally believe that
children
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 of similar
intelligence
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levels
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 should be taught together in the
classroom
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. In conclusion, I personally believe that
although
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 teaching different
intelligence
Use synonyms
levels
Use synonyms
students
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 separately helps
students
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 of low
intelligence
Use synonyms
levels
Use synonyms
 to receive extra
care
Use synonyms
, teaching
children
Use synonyms
 of different
intelligence
Use synonyms
levels
Use synonyms
 together has more benefit because
children
Use synonyms
 of low
intelligence
Use synonyms
levels
Use synonyms
 can have motivation from
children
Use synonyms
 of high
intelligence
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
To improve the task response score, ensure that both perspectives are thoroughly explored. Consider addressing potential counterarguments to your views for a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitions to ensure smoother flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
The essay effectively provides a balanced discussion of both views and clearly presents your personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion is commendable, which strengthens the essay's cohesiveness.
task achievement
Providing examples from different countries adds relevance and specificity to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Inclusive education
  • Differentiated instruction
  • Peer learning
  • Social integration
  • Mixed-ability classroom
  • Homogeneous grouping
  • Accelerated learning
  • Academic achievement
  • Personalized learning plans
  • Social hierarchies
  • Stigmatization
  • Teaching styles
  • Learning needs
  • Social implications
  • Community and inclusivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: