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Writing Samples
Band 5

Punishment is the best approach to teach kids what is good and bad. Do you agree or disagree. What are the other options do teachers and parents need to follow, provide some examples

#punishment #approach #kids #options #teachers #parents
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In recent years, making children understand things the hard way has become a subject of considerable debate and analysis. I totally disagree with punishing
kids
Use synonyms
 to teach them to behave.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay aims to examine the reasons for
this
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 trend in order to provide better ways to help
kids
Use synonyms
 understand. To better understand why some people believe punishment is the best approach to teaching
kids
Use synonyms
, it is important to consider that being a parent or a teacher can be difficult and needs a lot of patience.
Moreover
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, to control the new generation parents have to stay updated on the new technology and have the strength to understand all these devices which to our
kids
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 sound too easy to use.
For example
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, for a stonemason like me not using these modern devices could be hard to follow and understand my three-year-old son seems to be born with the capacity of using these tech machinery.
Therefore
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, when making a mistake, sometimes I punish him, and without explaining I forbid him to use it. For sure there are other options to make
kids
Use synonyms
 behave.
Firstly
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, parents and teachers should learn to teach through the use of modern accessories.
Submitted by 61verme on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction provides a clear stance, which is good. However, try to formulate a more comprehensive conclusion that ties together your main points effectively. This would strengthen the overall structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. You have a logical progression of ideas, but try to maintain a deeper connection between the concepts throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples and arguments to give them more depth and make your points more persuasive. Currently, your examples are touching on the point but can be made more relevant and specific.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear introduction with a definite stance on the topic, showcasing your understanding of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have demonstrated an ability to put forth a logical structure in your ideas, which helps in making your essay comprehensible.
Task Achievement
Your insights on the challenges parents face today with technology are relevant and provide a personal touch to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • discipline
  • positive reinforcement
  • rewarding behavior
  • emulate
  • kindness
  • patience
  • respect
  • explanation
  • consequences
  • non-punitive strategy
  • time-outs
  • open communication
  • express feelings
  • emotions
  • impactful
  • generous
  • unacceptable behavior
  • calm down
  • alternative actions
What to do next:
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