IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialize with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #idea #work #colleagues #evenings #weekends #it’s #life
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Man is a social animal,
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however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 different people have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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diverse
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 about it. Some believe that they should be more socialized with
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 after
work
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others think
both
Use synonyms
life's
Change the noun form
lives
life
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should be kept separated. I will explain
both
Use synonyms
 views and my opinion
aboout
Correct your spelling
about
 it, as well.
To begin
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 with, individuals, who advocate spending time with
co workers
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co-workers
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 after working hours think it is a good idea because of several reasons.
Firstly
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, it allows them to build friendships and be more comfortable with other fellows, which is
specially
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especially
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 helpful during team works because it enables them to share more ideas, have better discussions and
work
Use synonyms
 more cohesively when they are friendly with others.
Furthermore
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, it turns office hours
in to
Join the words
into
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 an enjoyable time
thus
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results
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 in better task achievement and enhanced performance as
work
Use synonyms
 doesn't feel like a burden.
Nevertheless
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, not everyone thinks
this
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 way. The proponents have
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
an opposite
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 view.
Such
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 people do not like to mix their professional and personal life as they
values
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value
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 the boundaries between the two, because it helps them to be more focused on their task.
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Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 they
work
Use synonyms
 better in
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 disciplined and professional working
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 without having any sort of friendship. In my opinion, it depends upon the nature of the person
how
Correct word choice
and how
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 they are comfortable. So companies and organizations should respect
both
Use synonyms
 of
these aspect
Change the determiner
this aspect
these aspects
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 and shouldn't force them to do
otherwise
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 .
To conclude
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 , some are more efficient in a friendly
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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while
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 others are more
Use synonyms
work oriented
Add a hyphen
work-oriented
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, when they keep their personal life
discreeted
Correct your spelling
discreet
discredited
 from
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
.
Both
Use synonyms
 views should be respected and valued to enhance their efficiency and keep a positive working atmosphere.
Submitted by tahseen.ayesha12 on

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task achievement
The essay presents a comprehensive response to the task, but it could be enriched by adding more specific examples to illustrate the points. Including concrete examples would enhance the depth and illustrate the practical implications of each argument.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from developing clearer, more comprehensive ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through the argument being presented.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas logically and ensure each point leads to the next. Sometimes ideas appear abruptly, with an assumption of continuity that may not be obvious to the reader. Transitions between ideas can be improved for better flow.
task achievement
The essay effectively summarizes two different perspectives and presents a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion. The conclusion is well articulated, summarizing the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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