Computer games and films containing violence are popular today. Some people think that these are harmful for our society and the government should ban them. Other argue that such games and films are fine for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is becoming increasingly common for people to play computer games and films in
this
Linking Words
era. Even though there are some dangers and disadvantages to cinema and laptops, I think it is more attractive than hanging out with friends.
Firstly
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, the process of development of technology is happening in all aspects.
For example
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, there are new desktop or handphone series around the world. It provides a variety of entertainment to many people. A new episode of the cinema appears so that we can watch it on TV.
Moreover
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, sinetron and games have a more positive impact on the psychological condition of the person.
For example
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, when you are stressed about your job
then
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you go home
then
Linking Words
you see a standup comedy. You can feel happiness after you watch it
together with
Linking Words
your family.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, watching online events can decrease your social activity.
For instance
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, your neighbourhood wants to meet you after you have finished your daily activities at the office. But, you say to them that you choose to play online about yourself.
Next,
Linking Words
your society is smaller than the others because you are not a humble person and prefer to choose to do activities by yourself. All in all, there are many benefits for you if create a social group
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the community, but watching online is still good for the brain and knowledge development.
Submitted by rodhi.kelvianto14 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on each viewpoint more fully to provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Ensure to clearly state your own opinion in a more defined position in your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Use more concrete examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and provide clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have correctly structured your essay with an introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The topic is relevant, and you have addressed both sides of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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