IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

jan---It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, it is often said that the majority of students
less
Add a missing verb
are less
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
science
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
this
Linking Words
 major
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lack of students in many countries.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the causes of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and
also
Linking Words
 discuss the potential impacts it may bring on society.
Ones
Replace the word
One
show examples
 may have reasons for choosing to pursue other majors
instead
Linking Words
 of
science
Use synonyms
 as their interest. First and foremost, the quality of teaching influences some people to think twice when applying
this
Linking Words
 subject. Poor quality of teaching can lead to misunderstanding and a negative attitude towards
science
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
first grade
Add a hyphen
first-grade
show examples
 children
confuse
Change the form of the verb
confused
show examples
 about the concept of basic mathematics
due to
Linking Words
 inappropriate learning methods.
Consequently
Linking Words
, their core memory
remembered
Wrong verb form
remembers
show examples
 if
this
Linking Words
 class is difficult and confusing which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them hesitate to learn more.
This
Linking Words
 highlights how teachers and schools affect
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 to choose various
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 for their future, including
science
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, studying
science
Use synonyms
 often
necessities
Correct your spelling
necessitates
show examples
 a large budget. To illustrate, prospective engineers need high-specification laptops to support their coursework, which are more expensive than common laptops. In
such
Linking Words
 cases, individuals from less wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 may not be able to take
this
Linking Words
 major even though they have
willpower
Correct article usage
the willpower
show examples
 into it.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue is expected to lead to various consequences, especially
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some nations may face challenges
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 social well-being because of a shortage of professionals.
For example
Linking Words
, rural areas struggle to find enough doctors
for dedicating
Change preposition
to dedicate
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
themselves in
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 public health services, which means
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 rate in these regions could
decreased
Change the verb form
decrease
be decreased
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some experts may threatened to lose their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, particularly
science
Use synonyms
 teachers, because of a lack of students.
This
Linking Words
 situation could lead to an increase in the
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 rate. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 issue
aries
Correct your spelling
arises
 because of inadequate
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching methods and funding challenges, and it could ultimately impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public welfare and economic progress.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify the introduction to more distinctly mention why fewer students choose science, enhancing the clarity.
task achievement
You may elaborate more on the consequences on society to make your points clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical transitions for better flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation for clearer writing.
logical structure
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction and conclusion that capture the main points well.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with examples, making the essay persuasive.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples that illustrate your points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: