Some people believe that playing sport is important, whereas, others think it’s just a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion also.

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There is no denying the fact that the majority of
people
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are keen on diverse types of sports.
Although
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it is a commonly held belief that sport practising is vital, there is
also
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an argument that
consider
Change the verb form
considers
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Use synonyms
workout
Correct article usage
a workout
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
as
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a leisure activity.
This
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essay will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, playing sports is significant for the growth process of the human body.
In other words
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, commitment and dedication to
sport
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sports
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practising will enhance the individual's shape and build oneself muscles in a healthy way.
In addition
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, organising the
workout
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by a specialized schedule and allocating
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sufficient time for exercises is considered the most practical way to observe quick results.
For example
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, studies have proven that
people
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who set their alarm at a specific time each day in order to practise some activities
,
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apply
show examples
will observe that their body becomes tough and their mind is stressless.
On the other hand
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,
people
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who do not prioritise exercises believe that their time is valuable and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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should be spent on other beneficial activities
such
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as reading or writing. It is
also
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possible to say that
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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workout
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is a dangerous act because there is a high chance
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
into an incident
while
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practising.
Moreover
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, not all individuals are capable of a daily
workout
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due to
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the high cost of some kinds of sports equipment.
For instance
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, horse riding equipment is expensive,
hence
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, it became exclusive to wealthy
people
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. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I'm convinced that a daily
workout
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is essential for both our physical and mental health.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

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task achievement
Consider incorporating more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is consistently supported by relevant details or examples.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Try to develop a more balanced analysis by addressing possible counterarguments in more depth.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for discussion, outlining the two contrasting views on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs and a logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively restates your personal opinion, providing a strong end to the essay.
task achievement
The essay covers both aspects of the topic, addressing the task requirement to discuss both views.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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