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Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the common activities children of different ages in the United States do as part of their bedtime routines.

The graph below gives information about the common activities children of different ages in the United States do as part of their bedtime routines.
The bar chart represents data
of
Change preposition
from
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 three different
aged
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children groups’ activities before bedtime in the United States. The three groups were 1-3 year-old, 4-5 year-old, and 6-8 year-old kids.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the most common activity was reading,
while
Linking Words
 eating was the least one in all groups.
Moreover
Linking Words
, brushing teeth and watching
TV
Use synonyms
 shows reversed trends.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, reading has a leading position among surveyed children with 70% in the case of 4-5
year-old’s
Change noun form
year-olds
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, approximately 63% in 1-3
year-old’s
Change noun form
year-olds
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, and just below 60% in 6-8
year-old’s
Change noun form
year-olds
show examples
 categories. The second rank is shared between brushing teeth and having a bath
due to
Linking Words
 their opposite trend. The youngest
group
Use synonyms
 has the lowest percentage (30%),
then
Linking Words
 followed by the middle one (around 43%) and the oldest
group
Use synonyms
 has the highest one (50%). In compression, having a bath has a declining trend among ages; 40% (1-3 year-old), around 37% (4-5 year-old), and just above 30% (6-8 year-old). Compared to
this
Linking Words
, the other two activities all have numbers under 20%. In the case of 4-
5 year-old
Add a hyphen
5-year-old
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 kids, watching
TV
Use synonyms
 has 20%,
while
Linking Words
 eating half of it (10%).
On the other hand
Linking Words
, among the youngest
group
Use synonyms
 eating has been half as
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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 as having a bath (20% and 40%, respectively) , and a similar tendency between watching
TV
Use synonyms
 and brushing
teeth
Correct pronoun usage
their teeth
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 (15% and 30%).
Finally
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 two ranks in the youngest
group
Use synonyms
 are held by watching
TV
Use synonyms
 and eating, with numbers of just below 20% and around 7%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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