IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #results #survey #people #age #groups #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts provide information about the outcomes of a survey about what
individuals
Use synonyms
 of two different age groups say makes them more satisfied and happy.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that there is a difference between young
people
Use synonyms
 and old
people
Use synonyms
 in which factors that impact their satisfaction.
However
Linking Words
, achievement at work ranked as the most effective cause of making
people
Use synonyms
 happy in both groups.
Individuals
Use synonyms
 who were under and over 30 said that achievement at work had the largest impact on their happiness, at around 31%. In parallel, doing hobbies was the second-ranking aspect in achieving one's pleasure, which was 22% in
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 and 24% in
people
Use synonyms
 over 30.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other factors had only 14% in youngsters and 10% in the older group.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Having a good appearance was the third most effective factor in making
people
Use synonyms
 more satisfied, at around 18%,
whereas
Linking Words
, financial security was a major factor for
individuals
Use synonyms
 over 30.
Finally
Linking Words
, youngsters chose travelling as an element to make them happy, which was 15%,
while
Linking Words
 older
individuals
Use synonyms
 chose to be with family as a primary cause to make them satisfied, around 14%.
Submitted by zuhrakhirie1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words individuals, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • age groups
  • responses
  • happiness factors
  • participants
  • contribute
  • compare
  • patterns
  • differences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: