Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, It is generally accepted that both experience and skill are the paramount qualities that any employer would look for in all of its employees. Many people argue that it is more profitable to hire youngsters

while

Linking Words

others oppose saying that experienced employees bring

majority

Add an article

the majority

a majority

show examples

of profits. Before forming an opinion, I shall discuss both

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sides in the subsequent paragraphs. Apparently, those who emphasize

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apply

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new talent say that young people are more

skillful

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skilful

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and proactive in their work. They

also

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believe that these people are

well versed

Add a hyphen

well-versed

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with

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show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

cutting-edge technologies and know-how about

the

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apply

show examples

new technologies. After all, they are the ones who are grown up in

this

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era of computers and technology.

Moreover

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, the fresh graduates have innovative thinking and

Correct article usage

a compitetive

show examples

compitetive

Correct your spelling

competitive

nature which benefits the

company

Use synonyms

in several ways and higher profits is just one of them.

Whereas

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, the oppositions believe that

the

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apply

show examples

experienced persons who have worked in the same

company

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or same field have

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

understanding of the

business

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. They

storngly

Correct your spelling

strongly

argue that experience is the best teacher. On account of their wide experience, they make diligent

decision making

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decision-making

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on critical matters and are best suited for delicate situations.

This

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kind of

situations

Fix the agreement mistake

situation

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have

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has

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potential

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the potential

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to make or break a

business

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. One tiny mistake and the entire

business

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can suffer a

hugh

Correct your spelling

huge

loss or can even go bankrupt. Perhaps,

that is

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the reason why top executives in any

company

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are paid lucratively.

For example

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, recently, a renowned entrepreneur Elon Musk took over a social media

company

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named Twitter and made drastic changes to the

company

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’s employment structure in order to make efficient use of its human resources and cut down the employment cost. Someone has rightly said, “

new

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A new

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broom swipes clean, but the old broom knows all the corners”. In my opinion, both

the

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apply

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talents are mutually exclusive; and a

business

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must maintain a balance between young and older workers and

also

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make sure that they are aligned to the roles that can make

best

Correct article usage

the best

show examples

possible use of their skills.

Submitted by yektaghandi.78 on Mon Jan 06 2025

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task achievement

Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention specific industries where younger or older employees show significant advantages.

coherence cohesion

Clarify some of the language to ensure that the essay flows smoothly. For example, instead of 'storngly argue that experience is the best teacher,' consider simplifying it to 'strongly believe that experience provides invaluable insights.'

coherence cohesion

The essay has a well-structured introduction that clearly outlines the discussion of both views, which is engaging for the reader.

task achievement

A balanced perspective is maintained throughout the essay, acknowledging the benefits of both young and older employees.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

336 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Adaptable
Innovations
Breakthroughs
Deep industry knowledge
Mentors
Fostering
Workforce balance
Maximizing profits
Enthusiasm
Wisdom

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