Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, It is generally accepted that both experience and skill are the paramount qualities that any employer would look for in all of its employees. Many people argue that it is more profitable to hire youngsters
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

others oppose saying that experienced employees bring
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority

The noun phrase majority seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
of profits. Before forming an opinion, I shall discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
sides in the subsequent paragraphs. Apparently, those who emphasize
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
new talent say that young people are more
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful

The spelling of skillful is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
and proactive in their work. They
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

believe that these people are
well versed
Add a hyphen
well-versed

It seems that well versed is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
with
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
cutting-edge technologies and know-how about
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
new technologies. After all, they are the ones who are grown up in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

era of computers and technology.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the fresh graduates have innovative thinking and
Correct article usage
a compitetive

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
compitetive
Correct your spelling
competitive

If you don’t want compitetive to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

nature which benefits the
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in several ways and higher profits is just one of them.
Whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the oppositions believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
experienced persons who have worked in the same
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

or same field have
better
Add an article
a better

The noun phrase better understanding seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
understanding of the
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. They
storngly
Correct your spelling
strongly

If you don’t want storngly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

argue that experience is the best teacher. On account of their wide experience, they make diligent
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making

It seems that decision making is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
on critical matters and are best suited for delicate situations.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

kind of
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation

It seems that situations may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
have
Change the verb form
has

The plural verb have does not appear to agree with the singular subject kind. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
potential
Correct article usage
the potential

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
to make or break a
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. One tiny mistake and the entire
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can suffer a
hugh
Correct your spelling
huge

If you don’t want hugh to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

loss or can even go bankrupt. Perhaps,
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the reason why top executives in any
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are paid lucratively.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, recently, a renowned entrepreneur Elon Musk took over a social media
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

named Twitter and made drastic changes to the
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

’s employment structure in order to make efficient use of its human resources and cut down the employment cost. Someone has rightly said, “
new
Correct article usage
A new

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
broom swipes clean, but the old broom knows all the corners”. In my opinion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
talents are mutually exclusive; and a
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

must maintain a balance between young and older workers and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

make sure that they are aligned to the roles that can make
best
Correct article usage
the best

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
possible use of their skills.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention specific industries where younger or older employees show significant advantages.
coherence cohesion
Clarify some of the language to ensure that the essay flows smoothly. For example, instead of 'storngly argue that experience is the best teacher,' consider simplifying it to 'strongly believe that experience provides invaluable insights.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction that clearly outlines the discussion of both views, which is engaging for the reader.
task achievement
A balanced perspective is maintained throughout the essay, acknowledging the benefits of both young and older employees.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adaptable
  • Innovations
  • Breakthroughs
  • Deep industry knowledge
  • Mentors
  • Fostering
  • Workforce balance
  • Maximizing profits
  • Enthusiasm
  • Wisdom
What to do next:
Look at other essays: