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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts provide key information about the results of a survey about what
people
Use synonyms
 of different age groups say makes them most happy. The units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that for
people
Use synonyms
 under 30, achievement at work has a significant part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 making them happier.
In addition
Linking Words
, doing hobbies can help them to feel better and practice their preferences,
whereas
Linking Words
 travelling has slightly less effect on their emotions.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,
people
Use synonyms
 over 30, we notice these rates are smaller with
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 with a little variations.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 over 30 are more likely to feel accomplished at work around 32% and
that is
Linking Words
 a peak compared with other activities.
Hence
Linking Words
, doing hobbies is
also
Linking Words
 a great way to feel glad roughly at 24%. Being with family is crucial for them , unlike other ages around 14%. In terms of
people
Use synonyms
 under 30, obviously, achievement at work is most important for them around 31%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they do not miss any hobbies to do
due to
Linking Words
 feeling happy around 22%.
Other ways
Fix the agreement mistake
Another way
show examples
 to get happy is having a good appearance to feel happy and confident at 18%.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • age groups
  • responses
  • happiness factors
  • participants
  • contribute
  • compare
  • patterns
  • differences
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