IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that individuals should be allowed to own a gun as a means to protect themselves and their families. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #individuals #gun #families
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It is thought that individuals should possess firearms to ensure
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their families and themselves.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because possession of
weapons
Use synonyms
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 risks and accidents in communities
along with
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 difficulty in regulating them. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, possessing
guns
Use synonyms
 for protecting family members or themselves is unreasonable
due to
Linking Words
 these
weapons
Use synonyms
 raise risk rates in many countries.
For example
Linking Words
, children are very curious and
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 likelihood of shooting accidents.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these
guns
Use synonyms
 might be used by irresponsible
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 and use them even in worse
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as high school in Serbia
one
Use synonyms
 of
students
Add an article
the students
show examples
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 his
father
Change noun form
father's
show examples
gun
Use synonyms
 and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shoot
Wrong verb form
shot
show examples
 several
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students and two teachers because no
one
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
argued with him.
Hence
Linking Words
, nowadays every country
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a police and authorities to protect citizens no need to have a
gun
Use synonyms
 to ensure security. Another reason if everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a
gun
Use synonyms
 that means
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
incapable
Add a missing verb
is incapable
show examples
to regulate
Change preposition
of regulating
show examples
 these
weapons
Use synonyms
.
Guns
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serial
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means government have
this
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 information, but
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to have
one
Use synonyms
. It will be difficult to collect all these
number
Change the determiner
numbers
show examples
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 even some will
possession
Replace the word
possess
show examples
 a
gun
Use synonyms
 without
license
Add an article
a license
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some murderer
crime related
Add a hyphen
crime-related
show examples
guns
Use synonyms
unsolved
Add a missing verb
are unsolved
show examples
 because it is difficult to know in what
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
information the weapon used.
However
Linking Words
, possession
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
guns
Use synonyms
 encourages violence and crime in our society. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
guns
Use synonyms
 provide security and safety for individuals or their families, I would argue that
weapons
Use synonyms
 increase the risks and accidents which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more hazardous
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there are difficulties
to regulate
Change preposition
in regulating
show examples
 them by
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
 which likely
raise
Correct subject-verb agreement
raises
show examples
 criminal in many countries.
Submitted by ghazl.1998g on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you clearly establish your stance at the beginning and consistently maintain it throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use clear transitional phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more examples and detailed explanation.
task achievement
Ensure your argument is fully developed and covers different perspectives effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
task achievement
Some relevant examples were used to support your points, such as the reference to the incident in Serbia.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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