IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

in many countries nowadays consumers can go to supermarket ad buy foof produced all over the world is this positive or negative

#countries #consumers #supermarket #ad #foof #world
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There is no denying the fact that supermarket eases the way for
customers
Use synonyms
 to get a variety
types
Change preposition
of types
show examples
 of food.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that
supermarket
Correct article usage
the supermarket
show examples
 is the place that offers you your needs and
save
Change the verb form
saves
show examples
 your efforts, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that development in
commercial
Add an article
the commercial
show examples
 sector is beneficial for communities as a whole.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, department stores are improving their performance to get
an economic benefits
Correct the article-noun agreement
economic benefits
an economic benefit
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, providing
customers
Use synonyms
 with a variety of options increases the possibility of making profits.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Walmart is an
american
Change the capitalization
American
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 grocery firm that uses technology
effciently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
 and
receive
Change the verb form
receives
show examples
 economic advantages.
For example
Linking Words
, US financial statements
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that 25% of US GDP
is derive
Change the verb form
is derived
show examples
 from Walmart transactions. Another point to consider, recent
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
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 in grocery shops have a general impact on society in a positive manner. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that
customers
Use synonyms
 benefited from grocery
shops
Change the noun form
shop
show examples
 improvement in several ways
such
Linking Words
 as saving time, effort and income.
In addition
Linking Words
, offering a worldwide product
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 consumers the
opportuity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to experience new things.
For example
Linking Words
, Foodies magazine published
a
Remove the article
apply
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research that indicates around 25% of food bloggers state that department stores
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the main way to find new and exclusive products. In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, despite people having different views, I tend to believe that supermarkets have to follow recent developments by employing people who are
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
to offer
Change preposition
for offering
show examples
 an extraordinary experience to
customers
Use synonyms
 so that they maintain a good reputation and enhance their
financials
Replace the word
finances
show examples
.
Submitted by aishahaldawai.253 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance logical structure. For instance, explicitly state the main idea at the beginning of each paragraph, then provide examples or evidence that support this idea.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller parts or using simpler language to ensure they are easily understood by any reader.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the opposing views, setting up the essay for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You have effectively used examples, such as the Walmart example and Foodies magazine research, which are relevant and provide specific insight into your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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