IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think that increasing business and cultural contacts between countries is a positive development. However, others believe that these are leading to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #business #contacts #countries #development #loss #identities
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The effect of the soaring trade and cultural relations between different
countries
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 has sparked widespread debate. On one hand, some believe that increasing the size of the
business
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 and cultural exchange positively contributes
by
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to
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 accelerating the development of the
country
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.
On the other hand
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, critics contend that it causes cultural homogenization.
This
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 essay will delve into both perspectives and provide analysis cultivating my own approach. From one perspective, the surging of
business
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 and cultural connections of nations jeopardizes their identity and national values.
This
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 arises
as a result
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 of increasing the number of
business
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travels
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travellers
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 and other delegates’ which
is stemming
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stems
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 from
intensification
Correct article usage
the intensification
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 of ties. In the wake of the cross-national collaboration, national values
are
Verb problem
have
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 started to be forgotten by carriers
of
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Considering that, it
results
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results in
results from
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 globalization which accelerates the extinction of
notion
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the notion
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 of nation,
countries
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 should pay more attention to
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserving
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 their nations’ moral and ethical principles. The Eurozone
countries
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 can be examples of
this
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 type
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countries
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of countries
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 because of, losing national values
due to
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 soaring the ties excessively with each other. On the flip side,
economical
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economic
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, social, and other relationships, including cultural
connects
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connections
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, act as a driving force for the increasing demand for currencies in the
country
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, which facilitates the growing ratio of
economical
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economic
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 activity and
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
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 of multicultural
approach
Fix the agreement mistake
approaches
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.
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At
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In
show examples
 the end, it has significant effects on the keeping
economical
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economic
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 sustainability and financial strength. Never had any
country
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 connected to the
countries
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 seen with a lower-level economy.
For instance
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,
United
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the United
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 States of America is
considering
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considered
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 the first place
on
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in
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 the economic power in the world, and the United States has a great amount of grass products
due to
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 increasing connections. In conclusion,
however
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, the soaring of the
business
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 and cultural connections of the
countries
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 hinders maintaining national identity, but
this
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 accelerates the growth rate of the
country
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's economy.
Although
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while
Correct word choice
apply
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the argument exists on both sides of
this
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 debate, I am inclined to believe that the increasing of the connection has more benefit as it offers more substantial advantages in addressing the issue effectively.
Submitted by mammedlichingiz on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear response to the topic, addressing both sides of the argument effectively. However, make sure each argument is expanded with more depth and supporting details.
task achievement
Consider using specific examples or case studies to strengthen your supportive points. This will add more relevance and specificity to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should clearly connect to the main argument with seamless transitions. While your essay has a good logical flow, some ideas can be better linked between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is adequately supported with evidence or elaboration. Some parts of the essay could benefit from further explaining how the points relate back to the main argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the arguments that follow. It gives a solid background and signals the direction of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position on the issue, providing a satisfying closure to your essay.
logical structure
Good logical structure throughout the essay, with a clear division of points supporting each side of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • economic growth
  • living standards
  • cultural understanding
  • homogenization
  • national identities
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • balancing
  • embrace
  • opportunities
  • respecting
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