IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of men and women that took a place in
education
Use synonyms
 whether they were studying full-time or part-time in the United Kingdom.
Overall
Linking Words
, it's clear to see that part-time
education
Use synonyms
 has exceeded full-time
education
Use synonyms
 both in
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 kept fluctuating, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
females
Use synonyms
had continuous
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
in increasing
Change preposition
to increase
show examples
. Starting with the
males
Use synonyms
. In the first period 1970/1970, it was the highest
peek
Correct your spelling
peak
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
males
Use synonyms
 in a part-time
education
Use synonyms
 to reach a
thousand
Use synonyms
males
Use synonyms
. After that, it slightly decreased to 800
males
Use synonyms
 approximately just before the second increase to be above 800 in 1990-1991.
While
Linking Words
 in the full-part
education
Use synonyms
, it has a steady increase from 1970 to 1991 to reach nearly 200
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. For the
females
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 part-time has a slight growth in 1970-1971 and 1980-1981, just below 800
thousand
Use synonyms
 and just above 800
thousand
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Then
Linking Words
, it
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 an abrupt jump in 1990-1991 to reach
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 highest peak, more than one
thousand
Use synonyms
. In comparing the
males
Use synonyms
 with
females
Use synonyms
 in part-time
education
Use synonyms
, It was the opposite, the highest
peek
Correct your spelling
peak
show examples
 in part-time
education
Use synonyms
 was in the
last
Linking Words
 years in the period 1990-1991. The
number
Use synonyms
 exceeds the male
number
Use synonyms
 which reached more than a
thousand
Use synonyms
females
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, education, males, females, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: