IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays businesses tend to advertise that their
products
Use synonyms
 are somehow new to the market and are a new development. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the adoption of
this
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 notion and why it is
such
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 a dangerous criterion.
To begin
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 with, one of the main reasons behind that advertisement trend is the widespread assumption that newer
products
Use synonyms
 are the better-quality ones.
Although
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this
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 is not exactly false, it is not always true, as some companies often introduce new
products
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 to the market with minimized altering to them.
This
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 can be observed clearly in the electronic market.
For example
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, companies like Apple introduce a new version of their famous iPhone yearly;
this
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 iPhone is thought to be overpriced compared to the services it gives to its consumers.
Moreover
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,
this
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 advertisement technique does more harm than good. To illustrate, most organizations exploit the consumers’ mindset and sell them new
products
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 advertised to be
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new findings that have a lot of benefits and are made by the hands of special scientists, and in most cases, these
products
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 are just normal or slightly developed ones.
In other words
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, associations use certain propaganda to convince the audience of the false supremacy of their goods.
For instance
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, the food organization Nestlé deceived young mothers in lower-class countries into switching to baby formula
instead
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 of breastfeeding as if it were a healthier alternative and a symbol of nobility.
This
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 has led to an enormous number of diseases amongst newborns,
such
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 as kidney failure, and essentially led to the death of thousands of them. In conclusion, the immature, rather shallow mindset adopted by us has made businesses make use of our lack of knowledge and experience towards their manufacturers, leading to devastating results to the extent of death.

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task achievement
Your essay offers a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both reasons for the trend in advertising and the implications. To improve, consider elaborating further on why businesses focus on emphasizing 'newness', such as consumer psychology and market competition.
coherence cohesion
Your essay logically develops its points with clear progression, though the arguments could be more tightly linked. Employing more transitional phrases could enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure to maintain a balance between negative and positive aspects if required by the task. Consider examining how emphasizing newness could also drive innovation and progress.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Use of specific industry examples like Apple and Nestlé strengthens arguments by providing concrete support.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logically structured argument with well-supported main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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