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Writing Samples
Band 3

To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #school #responsibility #food
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Children
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 need to maintain a healthy lifestyle through healthy
food
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 at
school
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 because good
food
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 is essential to improve the brain and stomach of
children
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
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 should learn in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
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 by
get
Change the verb form
getting
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 lessons about healthy
food
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 and what
happen
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happens
show examples
 in their bodies when they eat vegetables and fruits and how affects on development brain and immune system to reduce disease and how to improve body health. In fact, the government has first
responsibility
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during
Change preposition
to
show examples
 provide the money to the
school
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, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be used
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 determine kind of the
food
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
school
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 has a
responsibility
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 to give healthy
food
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 to
children
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 who are from a poor family in the summer holiday.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a big part of the
responsibility
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 located on parents during give them advice to eat healthy
food
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 through the parents always
read
Wrong verb form
reading
show examples
 some simple and short stories to encourage them to eat hygienic
food
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.
For example
Linking Words
, some families who are giving their
children
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 lunch box, it
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 some healthy foods to teach them about healthy eating. In conclusion, the healthy
food
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 which that eating by
children
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 will improve their brain. In my opinion, the
responsibility
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 is not only on the
school
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 but
also
Linking Words
 on the government and their families.
Submitted by zainabras98 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports a single main idea. Organize thoughts logically to improve readability and coherence.
task achievement
Attempt to develop ideas more fully. Provide greater detail and more specific examples to enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing a stronger introduction that clearly presents the topic and your position. This will help guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges multiple viewpoints, considering not only the school's responsibility but also that of parents and the government.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay attempts to use relevant examples, such as discussing 'poor families in summer holidays' and the 'lunch box example' to support points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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