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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many poeple complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lck of sleep?

#poeple #difficulties #lack #lck
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Recently, it has been observed that the number of people suffering from sleeping disorders
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 growing
in
Change preposition
at
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 an unprecedented rate.
This
Linking Words
 alarming trend has many negative impacts on humans
such
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 as struggling to focus,
as well as
Linking Words
 having difficulty processing thoughts
however
Linking Words
 there is one simple solution to
this
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 and
that is
Linking Words
 changing habits. Both the problems and remedies are elaborated in the
further
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 paragraphs. Several adverse effects can be considered on human beings when they have trouble getting enough sleep. The primary cause is lack of attention because without sleeping for
required
Correct article usage
the required
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 hours individuals may struggle to pay attention
,
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apply
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 and
also
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 face difficulties processing thoughts and
as a result
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 they
becomes
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become
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 lazy.
For example
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, if an individual cannot sleep for
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 eight hours
then
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although
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 they are present physically wherever they need to be
but
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apply
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they are unable to digest what is going on around them, as their mind and body are not healthy.
Therefore
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 it is imperative to take
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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to
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apply
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steps to be well-rested. The predominant solution is to change habits because
this
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 will help individuals
to
Verb problem
apply
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fix their daily routine and go to bed on time. Doing more
excercises
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exercises
exercise
, eating
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 and balanced diet, trying to learn new things and
by
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apply
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avoiding mobile phones, laptops and tablets before and after 30 minutes
to
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before
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 bedtime are just a few minor and easy steps to follow that could have a major impact on getting adequate rest with the closed eyes. To support
this
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 the University of Toronto's recently published study is a perfect example. As per the study, 98% of the people who did not use any devices prior to and after 30 minutes
to
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of
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the
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apply
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bedtime were able to fix their insomnia problems.
To conclude
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, despite having an increasing number of people with sleeping disorders which can lead to
lack
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a lack
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 of attention, by focusing more on changing daily habits one could resolve
this
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 health condition.
Submitted by ruchin27 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to ensure the essay maintains consistent clarity and cohesion throughout. There are a few sentences that could be reworded for better flow and understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all main points are clearly supported. The essay could benefit from a few additional specifics in explaining how changing habits improves sleep.
Task Achievement
Work on providing a bit more depth and clarity in ideas. Ensure explanations fully cover the complexities of the issue, and link each point back to the main topic.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both problems and solutions quite thoroughly, demonstrating a good grasp of the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the University of Toronto study, which strengthens the arguments presented.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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