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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

the chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
#results #survey #people #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #cities
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The graph shows information about
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of buying and drinking
Use synonyms
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 in five cities in Australia in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, what
stand
Change the verb form
stands
show examples
 out from the graph is
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
went
Correct pronoun usage
who went
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was more than instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
. Looking at the details over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
60% of
people
Use synonyms
 in Melbourne went to
Use synonyms
Add an article
a cafe
the cafe
show examples
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 for
coffee
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 or
tea
Use synonyms
 and just 40% of
people
Use synonyms
 bought fresh
coffee
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whereas
Linking Words
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
45% bought instant
coffee
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.If we look at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sydney and Hobart are the next best
percentage
Use synonyms
 of cities with
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
café
Correct article usage
a café
show examples
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
Use synonyms
cafe
Add an article
a cafe
the cafe
show examples
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 is top of the
barcahrt
Correct your spelling
bar chart
 between
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
50% to more than 60% in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
. And
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
. The lowest one belongs to Brisbane.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cafe, tea, weeks, percentage, people, coffee with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • coffee and tea buying habits
  • instant coffee
  • fresh coffee
  • cafe culture
  • social influences
  • economic factors
  • city demographics
  • seasonal trends
  • marketing strategies
  • consumer preferences
  • availability
  • popularity
  • consumption patterns
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