Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Some juveniles are using their
smartphones
for hours each day. Use synonyms
Reason
for Correct article usage
The reason
this
is clear, Linking Words
children
feel entertained when using Use synonyms
smartphones
. Even though Use synonyms
smartphones
are useful for Use synonyms
children
to research information and complete their assigned tasks, I think Use synonyms
this
is a negative development as it leads Linking Words
major
health problems and Change preposition
to major
children
get distracted easily.
Spending a long time on a smartphone Use synonyms
everyday
can lead to health issues in Replace the word
every day
children
including eye strain and back Use synonyms
ache
which are dangerous. Fix the agreement mistake
aches
Due to
eye strain Linking Words
children
have Use synonyms
a
damaged vision, and back Correct article usage
apply
ache
can damage their muscles and bones leading to a curved body shape. Fix the agreement mistake
aches
For instance
, when Linking Words
children
use their phones they usually sit in Use synonyms
a
wrong position affecting their eyes and neck.
Correct article usage
the
Furthermore
, Linking Words
smartphones
make Use synonyms
children
get distracted easily in their personal Use synonyms
life
. When Fix the agreement mistake
lives
children
make use of their phones too much, they get mentally tired. Use synonyms
As a result
, Linking Words
children
commit less to school work and spend their time in an unproductive manner. Use synonyms
Consequently
, Linking Words
lack
of tolerance towards school tasks can reduce the Correct article usage
a lack
successfulness
of Replace the word
success
children
because Use synonyms
this
often leads to lower grades. Many studies show that most Linking Words
children
don’t get their desired achievements at school because they have faced a reduction in their concentration rate to less than 5 seconds.
In conclusion, when Use synonyms
children
waste much of their time on Use synonyms
smartphones
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
this
leads to severe problems which can cause difficulties in their specific body parts and make them disconnected from Linking Words
the
reality.Correct article usage
apply
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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance your essay's logical structure, consider organizing your points more clearly. Start with a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to guide readers through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
While you have a solid introduction and conclusion, make sure to clearly restate your position at the end to reinforce your argument.
Task Achievement
Support your points with more specific examples or data to make your argument more persuasive and robust.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and explaining your view on its impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction that presents your main argument and a conclusion that summarizes your points effectively.
Task Achievement
You raise valid points regarding health issues and distractions caused by excessive smartphone use among children.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.