Should schools focus more on academic subjects or extracurricular activities? Discuss your view.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Imagine a
classrome
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classroom

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where a student learns academic
knewledge
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knowledge

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and life
skills
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. exploring how to deal with various
peopl
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people

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and different
sutations
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situations
stations

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. In
this
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ideal environment, children can solve any problems will be faced in
they
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their

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life.
While
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there is a common belief that schools should be more
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

focus
Replace the word
focused

The word focus doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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on academic subjects. There is
also
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an opposing argument. In my perspective of view, I strongly agree with
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

focus
Add an article
a focus

The noun phrase focus seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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both
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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essencial
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essential

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. On one hand. supporting extracurricular education is necessary for
enhance
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enhancing

The verb enhance may be in the wrong form after the preposition for. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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thinking growth,
behaviors
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behaviours

The spelling of behaviors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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and social
skills
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,what I mean to say . Studying all life
requierments
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requirements

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from earlier age not only
expand
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expands

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our knowledge and
awarness
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awareness

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but
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives

It seems that the verb give does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the
Correct pronoun usage
us the

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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ability to challenge all
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances

It seems that circumstance may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, let
personal
Replace the word
personnel

The word personal doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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know
Correct pronoun usage
their desire
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desire
Wrong verb form
desired

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb desire. Consider changing it.

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specialty
Change the spelling
speciality

The spelling of specialty is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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in future
espcial
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especially
especial

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when inviting
skills
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as sport, art and music. For
exmple
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example

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, In
country's
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country

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like
Sudia
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Saudi

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Arabia adding new
skills
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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schools like football, arts and cooking
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Correct pronoun usage
these

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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are crafts
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can

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show individuals advantage and
explor
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explore

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in which sectors
have
Verb problem
they are

There may be a verb use issue here.

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skilled.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, concentration on formal subjects can be more
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial

The word benefit doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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for consuming time to
focus
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and more
traning
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training

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.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, materials like math, chemistry and physics need more
focus
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and study hard to fully understand
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, focusing on academics
prepars
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prepares
prepare

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student for
standerdized
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standardized
standardised

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test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests

It seems that test may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and
universty
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university

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admissions, which directly
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences

It seems that the verb influence does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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their future
prospective
Replace the word
prospects

The word prospective doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, studying done by Cambridge
university
Capitalize word
University

The word university should be capitalized in this context.

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about practice
the finding
Wrong verb form
found

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb the finding. Consider changing it.

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is the degree of
peopl
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people

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had
Correct pronoun usage
who had

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more practice
higher
Add a missing verb
was higher

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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than others. In conclusion, we could say that both are essential for personal growth and dividing our time between them should be our goal.

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task achievement
Ensure to provide a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. You could further elaborate on why focusing more on academic subjects might be beneficial in certain contexts.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a clear structure throughout your essay. Use consistent linking words to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Revise for clarity and grammatical accuracy to improve readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear argument supporting a balanced focus on academic and extracurricular activities, which effectively addresses the question.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples, such as the introduction of new skills in Saudi Arabian schools, which help illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which provide a good structure to your essay.
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