IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Should schools focus more on academic subjects or extracurricular activities? Discuss your view.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Imagine a
classrome
Correct your spelling
classroom
 where a student learns academic
knewledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and life
skills
Use synonyms
. exploring how to deal with various
peopl
Correct your spelling
people
 and different
sutations
Correct your spelling
situations
stations
. In
this
Linking Words
 ideal environment, children can solve any problems will be faced in
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 life.
While
Linking Words
 there is a common belief that schools should be more
Use synonyms
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 on academic subjects. There is
also
Linking Words
 an opposing argument. In my perspective of view, I strongly agree with
Use synonyms
focus
Add an article
a focus
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
. On one hand. supporting extracurricular education is necessary for
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
show examples
 thinking growth,
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and social
skills
Use synonyms
,what I mean to say . Studying all life
requierments
Correct your spelling
requirements
 from earlier age not only
expand
Correct subject-verb agreement
expands
show examples
 our knowledge and
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 but
also
Linking Words
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
us the
show examples
 ability to challenge all
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, let
personal
Replace the word
personnel
show examples
 know
Correct pronoun usage
their desire
show examples
desire
Wrong verb form
desired
show examples
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
show examples
 in future
espcial
Correct your spelling
especially
especial
 when inviting
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as sport, art and music. For
exmple
Correct your spelling
example
, In
country's
Change noun form
country
show examples
 like
Sudia
Correct your spelling
Saudi
 Arabia adding new
skills
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 schools like football, arts and cooking
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 are crafts
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 show individuals advantage and
explor
Correct your spelling
explore
 in which sectors
have
Verb problem
they are
show examples
 skilled.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, concentration on formal subjects can be more
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for consuming time to
focus
Use synonyms
 and more
traning
Correct your spelling
training
.
In other words
Linking Words
, materials like math, chemistry and physics need more
focus
Use synonyms
 and study hard to fully understand
Furthermore
Linking Words
, focusing on academics
prepars
Correct your spelling
prepares
prepare
 student for
standerdized
Correct your spelling
standardized
standardised
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
 and
universty
Correct your spelling
university
 admissions, which directly
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
 their future
prospective
Replace the word
prospects
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, studying done by Cambridge
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 about practice
the finding
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
 is the degree of
peopl
Correct your spelling
people
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
 more practice
higher
Add a missing verb
was higher
show examples
 than others. In conclusion, we could say that both are essential for personal growth and dividing our time between them should be our goal.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to provide a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. You could further elaborate on why focusing more on academic subjects might be beneficial in certain contexts.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a clear structure throughout your essay. Use consistent linking words to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Revise for clarity and grammatical accuracy to improve readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear argument supporting a balanced focus on academic and extracurricular activities, which effectively addresses the question.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples, such as the introduction of new skills in Saudi Arabian schools, which help illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which provide a good structure to your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: