IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that some unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (e.g. working in a charity, improving the relationship of neighborhood or teaching sports to children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Most people suggest that volunteering works should be a mandatory part of the education. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 opinion as volunteer
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 can bring benefits to the young. When completing compulsory
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 activities with studies,
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 can add them
on
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 their resumes. Working out in real life is
valuable
Add an article
a valuable

The noun phrase valuable experience seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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experience
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 for the future development of adolescents' careers, so having practical
experience
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in the school days might have a significant effect on their paths to the professional life.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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practical
experience
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 gives the most notable
skills
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to the person,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as communication
skills
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, leadership
skills
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, problem-solving
skills
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, and so on. All these important sides of their educational backgrounds would help them to get
an
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 attention of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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potential employers.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 volunteering activities are not paid, they help
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to build
an undeniable abilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
undeniable abilities
an undeniable ability

The indefinite article an may not be required with the plural noun abilities in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I believe that networking is the main part of our development.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially

The word Specially may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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, in modern life where
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 opportunities are less, having a good network with different people
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps

It seems that the verb help does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 us to find
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 job that we are looking for. Volunteering
experience
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 might help
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to build a great connection with different individuals,
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when founders or team leads were looking for a candidate, they would remember one of these
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

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 and would give them an opportunity to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 with them. It is true that
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 do not have time to do a lot, but maybe they can even get paid part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs

It seems that job may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 with the help of networking. In conclusion, I support the idea of being a volunteer
from
Change preposition
during

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 school times as it helps
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to build a strong connection with different people and gain soft
skills
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 for their futures.

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relevant specific examples
Enhance the use of specific examples to bolster your arguments. Detailing real-life instances or hypothetical scenarios can make your points more convincing.
logical structure
Consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure even smoother flow of ideas. Using connecting phrases or transitional words can aid in achieving this.
complete response
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and maintains it throughout the response.
introduction conclusion present
The structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion aids in delivering the message effectively.
logical structure
The essay offers logical and coherent sequences of paragraphs, each dealing with a distinct idea that supports the overall stance.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • civic responsibility
  • empathetic
  • socially responsible
  • practical experiences
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • problem-solving skills
  • bridge the gap
  • socio-economic groups
  • inclusivity
  • social cohesion
  • voluntary engagement
  • authenticity
  • unnecessary stress
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental health
  • academic performance
  • enrich
  • personal growth
  • unwanted obligation
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