All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main cause of this? What are the effect?
It is undeniable that
obesity
is significantly increasing globally. In my opinion, Use synonyms
unhealthy
lifestyle including Correct article usage
an unhealthy
inappropriate
Correct article usage
an inappropriate
diet
, Use synonyms
stress
and less mobility is the major factor of overweighting, which Use synonyms
impact
individuals’ Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
health
in various ways.
Use synonyms
However
, Linking Words
obesity
Use synonyms
remarkable
increases all around the world Change the word
remarkably
due to
several extents, but I think that the unhealthy modern lifestyle is the key. The first and the most Linking Words
is
unhealthy diets. some Correct word choice
common is
people
overlook their Use synonyms
diet
programs and do not pay attention to their dishes, which Use synonyms
consequently
leads to gain weight. Linking Words
Unhealthy
Correct article usage
An unhealthy
diet
not only includes fast foods Use synonyms
such
as pizza but Linking Words
also
Linking Words
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
disorder
eating times. Some individuals Wrong verb form
disordered
skipping
meals to curb their appetite, Wrong verb form
skip
whereas
Linking Words
this
causes overeating as the person will be much hungrier later.
Linking Words
Furthermore
, in some individuals high Linking Words
level
of Fix the agreement mistake
levels
stress
Use synonyms
related
to Add a missing verb
are related
gain
Replace the word
gaining
weights
. Many Fix the agreement mistake
weight
people
develop their cravings for sugar and fat to counteract their tension. Weight gain even Use synonyms
occur
in Change the verb form
occurs
people
with healthy Use synonyms
Use synonyms
diet
, as Fix the agreement mistake
diets
stress
releases cortisol, a Use synonyms
stress
hormone, Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
is the reason Correct pronoun usage
which
of
abdominal fat in Change preposition
for
such
stressful Linking Words
people
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, the result of modernisation is declining in individuals’ mobility which Linking Words
result
in fatness. Change the verb form
results
For instance
, nowadays most Linking Words
people
occupy Use synonyms
in
office settings, Change preposition
apply
while
in Linking Words
past
Correct article usage
the past
people
Use synonyms
do
more practical Wrong verb form
did
works
.
Admittedly, Fix the agreement mistake
work
obesity
, negatively Use synonyms
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
the
individuals’ Correct article usage
apply
life
and has Fix the agreement mistake
lives
wide-range
chronic Fix the agreement mistake
a range of
health
issues associated with physical and mental Use synonyms
health
. Use synonyms
Obesity
increases the risk of different diseases Use synonyms
such
as cardiovascular diseases, diabetes and musculoskeletal disorders.
Linking Words
In addition
, overweighting not only affects the physical Linking Words
health
of Use synonyms
individual
but Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
also
leads to psychological challenges. obese Linking Words
people
often suffer from low self-esteem, which Use synonyms
make
them depressed and anxious in Change the verb form
makes
confront
Wrong verb form
confronting
of
social stigma.
In conclusion, I think Change preposition
apply
unhealthy
lifestyle including, Correct article usage
an unhealthy
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
diet
, stressful life and less activity is the main reason Use synonyms
of
overweighting which leads to numerous physical and mental Change preposition
for
health
, since Use synonyms
people
should consider Use synonyms
measure
to overcome Fix the agreement mistake
measures
this
issue.Linking Words
Submitted by skharratian on
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coherence cohesion
Clarify the link between points to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points.
task achievement
Aim for more precision in language choices to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which summarises the ideas effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and effects of obesity.
task achievement
Demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and maintains focus throughout.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.