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Writing Samples
Band 5

Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

#childhood #obesity #years #measures
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Overweight
Add a missing verb
Being overweight
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 in children is
Correct article usage
a criticsl
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criticsl conditin
Correct your spelling
critical condition
that is
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 clearly observed in the
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
 nowadays.
Due to
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 many reasons that aggravated
this
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 problem, the coming essay going to explore the reasons and discuss the solutions to treat
this
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 problem. There are many causes of obesity in
chlidren
Correct your spelling
children
 listed as the following.
First,
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the quality and quantity of the food, children recently tend to eat more
fastfood
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fast food
 and snacks in their day than before and that could be
due to
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fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
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 life
for example
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, working parents come home late tired or there is no
time
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 to
cooke
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cook
 so they preferred restaurant food or
freezed
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frozen
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 meals.
Second,
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sedentary
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a sedentary
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life style
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lifestyle
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is playing
Wrong verb form
plays
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 a big role in gaining weight in childhood years, kids like to spend
time
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 watching TV or playing video games for hours without any move than outdoor activities
such
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 as riding
bike
Correct article usage
a bike
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 or
palying
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playing
 football.
Additionally
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, disturbed sleeping hours and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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 up
untill
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until
 late
night
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at night
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 make them
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
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 all
the
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apply
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night and
sleeping
Wrong verb form
sleep
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 the whole day. Lifestyle modification is the biggest solution for
this
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 condition. By starting with
orginzing
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organising
 the meals and
elimenate
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eliminate
eliminated
the
Correct article usage
apply
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junk food
for example
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, the child must have 3 meals
contain
Wrong verb form
containing
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 carbohydrates, protein and fat with 2 healthy
snaks
Correct your spelling
snacks
 based on the age of the kid.
Furthermore
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, reduce the
time
Use synonyms
 of using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electronics as much as you can and make
time
Use synonyms
 for physical activity daily as swimming and running. Added to that, having
good
Correct article usage
a good
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night
Change noun form
night's
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 sleep will help in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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general health. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 obesity is a worldwide issue has many
contrbuted
Correct your spelling
contributed
 factors lead to it. But
by
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with
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 good education and persistence can be eradicated.
Submitted by dr.wessam_jamal on

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language use
Aim to improve the clarity of explanations by refining language and correcting spelling errors, such as 'criticsl', 'comunity', and 'chlidren'.
example development
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points further, such as depicting a specific day-to-day scenario where a child's lifestyle contributes to obesity.
cohesion strategy
Enhance transitions between ideas to ensure a smoother flow. For instance, using connectors like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' to further organize your points could be helpful.
structure
The essay contains an effective introduction and conclusion, giving a clear outline of what will be discussed and summarizing effectively.
content depth
Successful identification of key causes of childhood obesity, such as dietary patterns and sedentary lifestyle.
solution relevance
The proposed solutions, such as lifestyle modifications and organized meals, directly address the identified causes.
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