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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that teenagers should be given the same punishment as adults. Do you agree or disagree.

Punishment for crimes has become a
widely
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wide
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 debate in recent
years
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. On the one hand, some
people
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mink
Correct your spelling
think
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 that we should punish
teenagers
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 the same way we punish
adults
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.
On The other hand
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, others believe that
teenagers
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 are still too young to be punished as
adults
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and present my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, some individuals argue that underage
people
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 are old enough to know right from wrong.
Therefore
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, they should be punished as
adults
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. There are several sources for
teenagers
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 to learn their morals, which encourages them to be a good example for others. They learn those ethics not only from school but
also
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 from their parents, making them capable of choosing the right path.
Moreover
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, they experienced different situations during their life that
strengthens
Wrong verb form
strengthened
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 their moral compass.
Accordingly
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, despite being underage, they are still experienced enough to know if what they are doing is a crime or not.
For example
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, a 16
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years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
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 old student has the same knowledge
of
Change preposition
as
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 19
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years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
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 old student.
Consequently
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, they may be considered as
adults
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.
However
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, others suggest that under 18
years
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 old
people
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 are still immature to be
adults
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.
Therefore
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, they can not be treated the same.
People
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 demonstrate that their brain is still not well developed
in
Change preposition
at
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such
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 a young age.
For instance
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, studies have shown that there are significant differences between the brain development of
15
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15-year-olds
years
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 old and
19
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19-year-olds
years
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 old.
As a consequence
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, courts can not treat both the same.
In addition
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, most of those youngsters are not able to make simple decisions. It could be as simple as what they should wear or eat and
due to
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 that, they are not considered
adults
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.
To sum up
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, there is a debate on how we punish
teenagers
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. In my point of view,
although
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teenagers
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 are still young and not experienced enough, they still clearly know if their actions are wrong and they should be punished
accordingly
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. Consider using transitional phrases to improve coherence.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This could be achieved by providing statistics, case studies, or anecdotal evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents both perspectives, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and provides a clear personal opinion, enhancing the overall coherence.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task fully, exploring both sides of the argument before expressing a personal opinion.
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