IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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There is a fact that a huge number of
people
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 in remote
areas
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 in several nations are leaving their
countryside
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 for
cities
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 and
this
Linking Words
 makes the population in those
regions
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decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
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 continuously.
This
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 trend
gives
Verb problem
has
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 both benefits and drawbacks for human society, and I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, the thing that so many
people
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, especially the young ones, from rural
areas
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,
move
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moves
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 to
cities
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 will probably create a lack of
labor
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labour
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 for farming and maintaining traditional craft villages.
Firstly
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, the young generations are the most crucial ones in the local
labor
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labour
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 force because most farming work requires strong guys to
fulfill
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fulfil
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, and if most of the young
laborers
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labourers
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 leave their farms, there will be more abandoned fields.
For instance
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, there have been millions of young
people
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 leaving rural zones in VietNam in recent years, and
consequently
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, thousands of hectares have been abandoned which makes the agricultural productivity drop significantly, and
this
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 poses a potential food security risk.
Moreover
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, more
people
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 leaving the
countryside
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 means there will be an interruption in the
labor
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labour
show examples
 force inheriting several traditional valuable craft works. It is evident that the number of leading experts who have valuable work skills
such
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 as sculpture craft and pottery making are decreasing rapidly and
that is
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 the reason why the quality of the products in those fields has been worse and worse.
On the other hand
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, the fact that more
people
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leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
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 their hometowns for
cities
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 benefits the
development
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 of both
cities
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 and the
countryside
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. It is undeniable that the workforce from rural
areas
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 is making huge contributions to the
development
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 of big
cities
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. These young
people
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 play a crucial role in developing all industries and have made big changes to nations in a positive way.
For example
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, millions of immigrants coming from several different rural
regions
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 of VietNam to HCMC have made big contributions to the rapid
development
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 of
this
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 city and made it the crowdest and most developed city in VietNam.
Furthermore
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, most
people
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 who leave the
countryside
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 will probably come back to their hometown in the future and contribute to the
development
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 of those places by investing in some fields
Change preposition
in that
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 they have a lot of experience. Some researches show that nearly 50% of
people
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 who left their
countryside
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 when they were young come back and contribute to their homeland's developments in different ways
such
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 as financial investing or setting up businesses,
this
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 not only creates a lot of employment for the next generations but
also
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 enrich local budget and when those rural
regions
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 have developed strongly, the next generations will choose to stay to develop their
countryside
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. In conclusion,
although
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 the migration of a huge number of
people
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 from rural
areas
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 to
cities
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 might harm remote
regions
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 in the short term, the benefits in the long term are much farther.
Submitted by hoangdaosales on

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay provides a balanced view, consider strengthening the conclusion by summarizing the key points more succinctly to reinforce your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain the logical flow from one point to the next. Use linking words or phrases for greater clarity.
Task Response
Expand a bit more on the potential drawbacks to present a balanced view and thoroughly address the 'advantages outweigh disadvantages' perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly identifies the issue and presents your stance effectively, setting a strong foundation for your essay.
Task Achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as the scenario in Vietnam, effectively supports your arguments and enriches the essay's task response.
Task Achievement
You provide a thoughtful analysis of the implications of rural-to-urban migration, showcasing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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