IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's
society
Use synonyms
, greater emphasis has been given by
parents
Use synonyms
 and schools in building good social behaviour in
children
Use synonyms
. Some people argue that it should be the responsibility of the
parents
Use synonyms
 others think
school
Use synonyms
 should be the ideal place to teach them morals. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine both perspectives before articulating that schools play a pivotal
role
Use synonyms
 in building a character. Many societal skills in
children
Use synonyms
 come directly from
parents
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 spend most of their time at home under the guidance of
parents
Use synonyms
 and so they learn most of the social skills directly from them. They usually mimic how their
parents
Use synonyms
 behave, if
parents
Use synonyms
 are happy and show sympathy towards others they will develop it too.
Moreover
Linking Words
, It was observed that a family with a history of domestic violence had an adverse effect on their offspring. These
children
Use synonyms
 usually isolate themselves from
society
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
do not interact with anyone and spend most of their time alone
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
'
role
Use synonyms
 is important in teaching them
initially
Linking Words
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, schools are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 where students develop societal skills after interacting with other students and teachers.
School
Use synonyms
 is a place where
children
Use synonyms
 from different sections of our
society
Use synonyms
 come and study together . Interacting with each other teaches them many social values like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 friendship, caring, sharing, empathy towards others etc.. these attributes which they nourish in
school
Use synonyms
 are carried by them throughout their life and help build a better
society
Use synonyms
 for the future. In conclusion, I would say the parent's
role
Use synonyms
 is imperative as they are the first person with whom
children
Use synonyms
 interact and learn, but the
role
Use synonyms
 of the
school
Use synonyms
 is more important as they provide an environment where they not only learn new and complex behaviour but
also
Linking Words
 implement that behaviour.
Submitted by reachsourav.32 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that examples are specific and directly supportive of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve Coherence by ensuring all ideas logically flow and connect within paragraphs. Consider using linking words more effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear discussion of both viewpoints, which strengthens the argument and provides a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and restates the opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: