IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Of late, it is believed that students studying in secondary school and high school should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is argued that abilities which are related to how to manage
money
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 should be learnt by
students
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 during their schooling.
This
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 essay agrees completely with that statement because
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economy
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the economy
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 is a consequential part of our daily life. It is conspicuous that being knowledgeable about
money
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 is important to be skilful in our modern society.
This
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 is because people use currency in their daily
lifes
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lives
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 in order to acquire numerous items. Indeed, everything has a price and no product can be bought without spending
money
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.
Hence
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, managing
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economy
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the economy
show examples
as well as
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 understanding how to raise funds is an overwhelming
abilitiy
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ability
 that every citizen should feature. In
this
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 regard, many countries
such
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 as Japan, include
subjects
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 about finance in the
curriculum
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. Japanese decision-makers consider that learners have to be aware of the national
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 system and be conscious of the importance of
money
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 so they can enhance their ability to raise funds and be reliable citizens.
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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 many others claim that the current
curriculum
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 is too
fill
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full
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by
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of
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subjects
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, so it is unimaginable to add more lessons.
Furthermore
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, those people consider that because
money
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 is a part of daily life, it is too mundane to be taught to pupils. In fact, it would be a waste of time to acquire abilities at school they can develop in their personal
lifes
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lives
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.
Moreover
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,
students
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 are already struggling to manage some fundamental
subjects
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such
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 as
litterature
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literature
 and mathematics.
This
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 is the viewpoint in several countries
such
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 as in France, where
officiers
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officers
officials
 of education disallow classrooms and lectures about
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economy
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the economy
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 at high schools as they witness that
students
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features
Verb problem
face
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 huge difficulties
to deal
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dealing
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 with the standard
curriculum
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. In conclusion, it is crystal clear that managing
money
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 is a useful ability that
students
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 should have in order to be better citizens.
However
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, it is difficult to include more
subjects
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 in an
overload
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overloaded
show examples
curriculum
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.Even though, there are useless things that may be deleted to set up lessons about
economy
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 and finance for the simple reason that
money
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 is a prime weapon to have in order to be successful.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and follows a logical progression. For instance, make it more obvious when you're transitioning between complementary and opposing arguments in the body paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your main points. For example, provide statistics or real-world outcomes when discussing the impact of financial education in Japan.
Task Achievement
Try to balance the essay by addressing both viewpoints more evenly, if possible. While your stance is clear, a fuller examination of the opposing side would provide a more comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that address the topic effectively.
Task Achievement
Your arguments reflect an understanding of the importance of financial education in schools and its role in daily life, making the essay relevant to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and the paragraphs are generally coherent, with each supporting the central argument.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings culture
  • spending wisely
  • financial stability
  • responsibility
  • discipline
  • financial goals
  • long-term financial health
  • digital transactions
  • online banking
  • interest rates
  • investments
  • credit scores
  • debt management
  • academic pressures
  • curriculum balance
  • informed financial decisions
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