IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Of late, it is believed that students studying in secondary school and high school should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that abilities which are related to how to manage
money
Use synonyms
 should be learnt by
students
Use synonyms
 during their schooling.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees completely with that statement because
Use synonyms
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 is a consequential part of our daily life. It is conspicuous that being knowledgeable about
money
Use synonyms
 is important to be skilful in our modern society.
This
Linking Words
 is because people use currency in their daily
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 in order to acquire numerous items. Indeed, everything has a price and no product can be bought without spending
money
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, managing
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 understanding how to raise funds is an overwhelming
abilitiy
Correct your spelling
ability
 that every citizen should feature. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, many countries
such
Linking Words
 as Japan, include
subjects
Use synonyms
 about finance in the
curriculum
Use synonyms
. Japanese decision-makers consider that learners have to be aware of the national
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 system and be conscious of the importance of
money
Use synonyms
 so they can enhance their ability to raise funds and be reliable citizens.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 many others claim that the current
curriculum
Use synonyms
 is too
fill
Correct your spelling
full
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
, so it is unimaginable to add more lessons.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, those people consider that because
money
Use synonyms
 is a part of daily life, it is too mundane to be taught to pupils. In fact, it would be a waste of time to acquire abilities at school they can develop in their personal
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 are already struggling to manage some fundamental
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
litterature
Correct your spelling
literature
 and mathematics.
This
Linking Words
 is the viewpoint in several countries
such
Linking Words
 as in France, where
officiers
Correct your spelling
officers
officials
 of education disallow classrooms and lectures about
Use synonyms
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 at high schools as they witness that
students
Use synonyms
features
Verb problem
face
show examples
 huge difficulties
to deal
Change the verb form
dealing
show examples
 with the standard
curriculum
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is crystal clear that managing
money
Use synonyms
 is a useful ability that
students
Use synonyms
 should have in order to be better citizens.
However
Linking Words
, it is difficult to include more
subjects
Use synonyms
 in an
overload
Change the verb form
overloaded
show examples
curriculum
Use synonyms
.Even though, there are useless things that may be deleted to set up lessons about
economy
Use synonyms
 and finance for the simple reason that
money
Use synonyms
 is a prime weapon to have in order to be successful.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and follows a logical progression. For instance, make it more obvious when you're transitioning between complementary and opposing arguments in the body paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your main points. For example, provide statistics or real-world outcomes when discussing the impact of financial education in Japan.
Task Achievement
Try to balance the essay by addressing both viewpoints more evenly, if possible. While your stance is clear, a fuller examination of the opposing side would provide a more comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that address the topic effectively.
Task Achievement
Your arguments reflect an understanding of the importance of financial education in schools and its role in daily life, making the essay relevant to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and the paragraphs are generally coherent, with each supporting the central argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings culture
  • spending wisely
  • financial stability
  • responsibility
  • discipline
  • financial goals
  • long-term financial health
  • digital transactions
  • online banking
  • interest rates
  • investments
  • credit scores
  • debt management
  • academic pressures
  • curriculum balance
  • informed financial decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: