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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods
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The bar graph illustrates the population
between
Change preposition
of
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 men and women
pursue
Wrong verb form
pursuing
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 additional
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 of education in Britain for three years.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
alos
Correct your spelling
also
 illustrates
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two categories of studying
Add a hyphen
part-time
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part
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 or
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 .
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the number of females enrolled
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing compared to the total number of males who take
further
Linking Words
 studies.
Firstly
Linking Words
,in
male
Correct article usage
the male
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 category
ther
Correct your spelling
there
 is an
increan
Correct your spelling
increasing
increased
 number of
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
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almost 1000
enrolles
Correct your spelling
enrollees
enrolled
 in 1971.
Morevover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, there is
also
Linking Words
 a gradual rise from 1980 to 1991 for approximately 8-- enrolled in
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 education.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled in
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 marks with a gradual increase
fro
Correct your spelling
from
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 about 200 enrollees from 1970-1991.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in female
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled in
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
time,
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 there is a remarkable gradual rise of enrollees of 1000 from 1970-1991 .
Whereas
Linking Words
, females who study
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a similar trend with
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by xoxoxobels on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words part, time, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 3 times.
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