IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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These days, some companies are really into expressing their new
products
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 in all kinds of advertising.
This
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 trend is so popular and common all over the world. In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 trend, I believe
this
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 trend can bring some benefits to
people
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's lives. Nowadays, It is so popular that businesses want to send some messages
of
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about
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 their new
products
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 in
ad
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ads
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, it is because
this
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 is a good way to help them increase their competitive power. Customers can find the quality of their
products
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 improved and they find things become more and more suitable for them. On the one hand, new features could appeal to more individuals to purchase
products
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. As far as we all know,
people
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 usually want to buy the updated product, especially, smartphones, cameras, computers and more. These new electrical equipment have some new functions, these new functions can improve their work efficiency, and make sure their work and study needs.So when
people
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 find the
products
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 are developed through advertising, they will buy the
products
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 fast and immediately.It is a good way to promote the willingness of customers to buy
products
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.
In addition
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, it is
also
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 a good way to promote the development of the advertising industry. These days, through the development of science and technology,
people
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 can find
the
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apply
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advertisements in all kinds of ways.When companies find advanced advertising technology does not meet their needs, they will develop some new ideas to make some changes. In conclusion, it is reasonable for enterprises to lay emphasis on new features in advertisements in that they are attractive to consumers.
People
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 should encourage the development of the advertising industry.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clear distinction between the positive and negative aspects if you believe there are both. Currently, the essay leans towards positive without discussing potential drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the organization of your ideas. Use more linking words and phrases to clearly indicate transitions between points to improve the logical flow.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your examples. Although you mention specific products, giving more detailed examples of how they improve lives would strengthen your argument.
content
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, agreeing with the trend of emphasizing new products in advertising, which is a good starting point.
content
The recognition of how new products affect consumer behavior, especially in technology, demonstrates an understanding of market dynamics.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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