IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.Describe the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty and give your opinion.

#people #advocate #death #penalty #crimes #punishment #society
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Recently,
people
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discuss
Wrong verb form
have discussed
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 and argue about the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 and disadvantages of the
death
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penalty
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 as the relevant
punishment
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 for committed
crimes
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 in
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern society.
Death
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penalty
Use synonyms
 as the final
Use synonyms
crimes
Change the noun form
crime
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 is being accepted in some
capital
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capitals
show examples
 of the world. It shows the person who held
that
Change the determiner
that crime
those crimes
show examples
crimes
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 took
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
very unacceptable violent
crimes
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, which need to be punished with
death
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. It can be completed pretty fast,
for instance
Linking Words
 by
gun shooting
Correct your spelling
gunshooting
 or even
cut
Wrong verb form
cutting
show examples
 off the head.
This
Linking Words
 type of capital
punishment
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 actually can become a real example in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
People
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 demonstrate a high risk
violent
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of violent
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 actions, disrupt the security of
citizen
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citizens
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, or any other significant crime scenes will get their lives consequences. By doing
this
Linking Words
death
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penalty
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,
people
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 will be more careful and can lessen the frequency of huge
crimes
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 in that nation. On the other
hands
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hand
show examples
,
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death
Add an article
the death
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penalty
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 is not relevant enough in contemporary lives, whether in terms of
people
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 cultures and laws. As we
are developed
Wrong verb form
develop
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 into a global citizen,
which
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who
show examples
also
Linking Words
 actively learn and
acquiring
Wrong verb form
acquire
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 new knowledge not only from our current nation,
people
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 start to explore other
countries
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countries'
country's
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culture
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cultures
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 and have different
opinion
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opinions
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 on other types of
crime
Replace the word
criminal
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punishment
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. It actually depends on certain
degree
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degrees
show examples
 of
crimes
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, the various
type
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types
show examples
 of
punishment
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 and
fine
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fines
show examples
, the
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people
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people's
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 tolerance, or even the religious
believe
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beliefs
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 that that country
hold
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holds
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into
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apply
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, Indonesia as one of the
capital
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capitals
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 in
southeast
Capitalize word
Southeast
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 Asia, only use the
death
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penalty
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very few
case
Change to a plural noun
cases
show examples
 like murder or
terrorist
Replace the word
terrorism
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, which
took
Verb problem
has
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huge
Add an article
a huge
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of civil disadvantages.
Submitted by rayaningpkrt11 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task. The essay discusses both advantages and disadvantages, but it could explore more examples or aspects that support each viewpoint.
task achievement
Include more specific examples. While some examples are offered, additional relevant examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay more clearly for better coherence. Consider clear paragraphing for each point you make, which will help in logical flow.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic and provides an initial viewpoint on the death penalty.
complete response
The writer attempts to balance both sides of the argument, which shows an effort to address the topic thoroughly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
What to do next:
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