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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore they need more of these subjects to be included in the timetable. Do you agree or disagree?Some people say that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore they need more of these subjects to be included in the timetable. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that education is
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 thing to improve
owr socity
Correct your spelling
our society
.
While
Linking Words
 it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
commonly held
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
sudjects
Correct your spelling
subjects
such
Linking Words
 as art,
mudic
Correct your spelling
music
, drama and creative
write
Replace the word
writing
show examples
 are more
denefist
Correct your spelling
benefits
 to kids and
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
 they need to allocate more time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
Use synonyms
sudjects
Correct your spelling
subject
subjects
 in the timetable, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it, In my opinion, I consider that all
Use synonyms
sudjects
Correct your spelling
subjects
 are equally
essintial
Correct your spelling
essential
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, schools must
be ensure
Change the verb form
be ensured
show examples
 to teach all
Use synonyms
sudjects
Correct your spelling
subjects
 to
childrne
Correct your spelling
children
 to
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 various
skils
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, they need to enhance
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
sklis
Correct your spelling
skills
skis
 in
accouting
Correct your spelling
accounting
, reading and
exploration
Replace the word
exploring
show examples
 things through different
typ
Correct your spelling
types
 of
Use synonyms
sudjects
Correct your spelling
subjects
such
Linking Words
 as math,
scince
Correct your spelling
science
 and technology .
In addition
Linking Words
, they will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 good choices and best
memburs
Correct your spelling
members
 in
owr communties
Correct your spelling
our communities
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 shows that all
sudjectes
Correct your spelling
subjects
 play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in
studinsts
Correct your spelling
students
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider, they will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to recognize
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 passions, which lead them to
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
futuer jops
Correct your spelling
future jobs
.It is
also
Linking Words
possibal
Correct your spelling
possible
 to say that all
succeus
Correct your spelling
success
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in
diversity
Replace the word
diverse
show examples
 fields
explor
Correct your spelling
explore
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
prefer
Replace the word
preferred
show examples
Use synonyms
sudjects
Correct your spelling
subjects
 when his
yong
Correct your spelling
young
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to enhance
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 talent in various
fieldes
Correct your spelling
fields
 creating solutions that help
ther
Correct your spelling
other
their
 countries.
For instance
Linking Words
, during Covid 19-pandemic some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the scientist
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 from different countries
collabreating
Correct your spelling
collaborating
togther
Correct your spelling
together
 for
innovintion
Correct your spelling
innovation
 a treatment
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
vairus
Correct your spelling
virus
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
despit
Correct your spelling
despite
 people having different views, I believe that we
shuold
Correct your spelling
should
 to
foucas
Correct your spelling
focus
 to learning our new generation all
typs
Correct your spelling
types
 of
Use synonyms
sudjects
Correct your spelling
subjects
.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing ideas more logically within paragraphs to improve coherence. Consider using linking words or phrases more effectively.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and depth of your ideas. Try to develop arguments more fully and provide more detailed explanations and examples.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces a balanced view on the topic and concludes with a clear opinion, showing both sides of the argument.
relevant specific examples
Attempts to provide specific examples, such as the UK study and collaboration during Covid-19, which is a positive step towards supporting main points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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