IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that schools should teach children to be good citizens and workers rather than focusing on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #children #citizens #workers #subjects
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There is no denying that schools should teach kids how to be a superpatriot
besides
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 the formal topics equally. It is a commonly held belief that good manners and how to be a better version of them are more important rather than learning academic subjects.
In contrast
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, there is
also
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 an argument that academic topics must be taught in the
school
Use synonyms
,
while
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 moral values are assumed to be obtained by the surrounding family.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and express my opinion. On the one hand, as we have been knowing that, the biggest advantage forms the
school
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 is to raise the students.
In other words
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, the undergraduates spend half a day in
school
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,
subsequently
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, they will be affected more by
this
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 environment.
In addition
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, based on reaches
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 HARVARD UNIVERSITY,said that, if they have been learning how to show
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 with classmates, they will be
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encouraged
show examples
 to do that more.
On the other hand
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, even if
school
Use synonyms
 focus trains them to have a good attitude and they have unhealthy environments in their houses, they will not change.
Instead
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, concentrating
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 essential fields will add more value for them. In conclusion, there are no easy to answers
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that attention to primary fields has a significant benefit in forming them. At the same time, we can’t ignore the importance of good form,
thus
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, we may give them a hint during the classes
besides
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 the prize. With regard to those who have a bad circumstance, we could transfer them to therapy.
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task achievement
Strengthen the argument with more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure you focus equally on both sides of the argument. More elaboration is needed on why some people believe academic subjects should remain the primary focus.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are logically structured, adding clear paragraphs with distinct topic sentences could improve flow.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and your intention to discuss both sides before presenting your opinion. This provides clarity on what the reader should expect.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, expressing a balanced viewpoint that synthesizes the discussed perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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