IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Deforestation caused by human activities is happening in many parts of the worlds, with serious results for the government. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?

There is no denying the fact that cutting down
trees
Use synonyms
 will affect on ecosystem.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
deforestation
Use synonyms
 occurs because of
people
Use synonyms
's activity in the world, which should be reduced from logging, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that should be on the government to improve the countryside, that means to reduce from transfers
people
Use synonyms
 to the city and leaving the countryside.
To begin
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 with,
deforestation
Use synonyms
 has a highly adverse effect on the life forms both terrestrial and aquatic.
In other words
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, logging will lead to life-threatening of animals, insects, microorganisms as well and aquatic.
In addition
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,
should
Correct determiner usage
this should
show examples
 be reduced from
this
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 phenomenon that by
putting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some laws for those who cut down
trees
Use synonyms
 and use their wood, must pay a fine.
For example
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, if the folk or company cut one tree should plant three
trees
Use synonyms
 by putting a contract between them. Another point to consider,
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 continuous
deforestation
Use synonyms
 leads to
erode
Replace the word
erosion
show examples
. It is
also
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 possible to say that cutting down
trees
Use synonyms
 leads to reduce myriad
trees
Use synonyms
 from forests and
thus
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 will decrease from numerous of foresters.
Moreover
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, to search about solve
this
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 problem, the government found a better solution
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
 a red zone in the forests to control and reduce the percentage of logging.
For instance
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, if the
people
Use synonyms
 or companies pass on the green line, they will take a fine. Must
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
wait to grow these plants and use them next time
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that the government take into consideration woodlands
as well as
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 pass laws to reduce
deforestation
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the oxygen cycle will be decreased.

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task achievement
Clarify the main ideas in your essay to make them more comprehensive. Consider elaborating on each point more clearly and avoid ambiguity in your sentences.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Include examples that are directly related to the main topic for better task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is logically structured and ideas are linked effectively. Make sure to introduce each main point and explanation clearly within the paragraph.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an awareness of the topic and attempts to address the problem of deforestation and its impacts.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, providing a framework for the discussion.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide solutions to the problem posed, showcasing problem-solving skills.
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