IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

This day more and more people are going to different countries for significant periods of time, either to find a job or to study. Do the advantages of living in a foreign country outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #countries #periods #time #job #study #country
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Nowadays a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 are going abroad
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 find a job or to study.There are both merits and demerits, and I think that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, not all aspects are beneficial.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they can experience racial conflict.
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days many
people
Use synonyms
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not racism but
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do. When they experience racism
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be unhappy and angry for
people
Use synonyms
 who did racism. It is the
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
biggest part when
people
Use synonyms
 move abroad.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can feel homesick when they
departure
Replace the word
depart
show examples
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
traveller
Change to a plural noun
travellers
show examples
 feel homesick when they travel
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
long time period, so
people
Use synonyms
 who
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 or
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
 country can feel more than visitors.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 they can feel alone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because their family or friends are in
hometown
Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there are more benefits than the drawbacks. First of all, they can improve their sight.
For example
Linking Words
, when they live in their hometown forever they cannot have wide sight. If they have a lot of experience they can understand new
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and improve their knowledge.
In addition
Linking Words
, they can feel free when they live abroad.
For example
Linking Words
, when they live with their family they cannot feel free but when they live abroad no one
restrict
Correct subject-verb agreement
restricts
show examples
 them for their lives. It can be beneficial without stress. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 living in their
howntown
Correct your spelling
hometown
 can help
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their families,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I think that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks when they move abroad.
Thus
Linking Words
, moving
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad should be encouraged.
Submitted by yskim3064 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more solid and convincing.
task achievement
Work on providing ideas that are clearer and more comprehensive. It will help make your argument stronger and more easily understood.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively set the context and summarize the main points respectively.
task achievement
The topic is adequately addressed with a consideration of both advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural exposure
  • Diversity
  • Personal growth
  • Language skills
  • Career opportunities
  • Networking
  • Professional connections
  • Enhanced education
  • Learning
  • Language barrier
  • Communication difficulties
  • Homesickness
  • Isolation
  • Cultural differences
  • Adaptation challenges
  • Financial constraints
  • Cost of living
  • Legal complexities
  • Administrative complexities
What to do next:
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