IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to broaden young people’s understanding of the world is to encourage them to travel to other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What other measure do you think might be effective?

#people #people’s #world #travel #countries #measure
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Some people believe that for the young generation to be open-minded and have a lot of knowledge, they should travel the world. In
this
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 essay, I will tackle my suggestions and other possibilities about
traveling
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travelling
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.
To begin
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 with,
traveling
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travelling
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 is the first thing we can do if we want a better understanding of other people's lives. We must see their culture, way of life, foods, history, and how their economy works.
Therefore
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, the young generations will be open-minded to know how the reality works and to become a better
person
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.
For instance
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, I visited a few countries in Asia, and one of my
favorite
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favourite
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 countries is Japan.
Furthermore
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, being in Japan twice, I appreciate how they preserved their culture and tradition.
Thus
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, being there physically, I had the chance to try their local foods, which is an extraordinary memory you will remember for a lifetime.
However
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, to do
this
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, a
person
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 should have a budget to visit different countries. And for some,
traveling
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travelling
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 out of the country is not the first option for them. Another way to broaden young people's minds is to read books about
traveling
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travelling
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. Where they can have an idea of the general things they must know about one particular country.
As well as
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 the author's experiences in that area. The second is to watch documentaries
of
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or
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traveling
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travelling
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 shows. Even though they can't see it in real-time; they have the basic knowledge about it.
To conclude
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, I believe
traveling
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travelling
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 is the best option for being open-minded. But for some, lack of money is the first problem.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
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, not only
traveling
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travelling
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 abroad is the only way,
for instance
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traveling
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travelling
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 nearby state or
countryside
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the countryside
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 can make you
broad-minded
Correct article usage
a broad-minded
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person
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. A simple joy ride with friends and family can make a
person
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 or young
person
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 gain compassion.
Submitted by chesleykerserarellano on

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relevant specific examples
The essay contains relevant examples, such as the author's visit to Japan, which enhances the discussion. However, more detailed examples would add further depth.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented in the essay are generally clear, but there are some parts where the expression could be more precise, especially in the conclusion.
complete response
The response addresses the question, but the consideration of other measures besides traveling is somewhat limited. The essay could elaborate more on these alternative measures.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the main argument.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes specific examples, such as personal experiences in Japan, which make the argument more tangible.
logical structure
The logical structure is mostly well-maintained with transitional words linking different ideas. This helps in maintaining a smooth flow throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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