Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There is an opinion that

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as music, drama and art should be estimated as equal to other classes, particularly at the primary school. I totally agree with

this

Linking Words

statement since these lessons assist

students

Use synonyms

in discovering their interests and they are a crucial tool in

self

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

development of children. First and foremost, lessons aimed at improving

creative

Correct article usage

the creative

show examples

skills of attendees can help them find their professional path. These

subjects

Use synonyms

help

students

Use synonyms

to recover their talents

Change preposition

at on

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

early

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

, allowing them to improve those abilities early on. If schools do not focus on

inclusion

Correct article usage

the inclusion

show examples

of art

subjects

Use synonyms

, they are likely to destroy pupils’ capabilities to sing, draw, act or play musical instruments.

For example

Linking Words

, many celebrated singers were discovered

Correct your spelling

show examples

their music teachers at school from a young age

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and continued their studies at musical institutes.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, learning a wide range of

subjects

Use synonyms

enhances

students

Use synonyms

’ reasoning abilities. Wise people are accustomed to evaluating situations from different perspectives which allows them to make reasonable decisions. In

this

Linking Words

case

Add a comma

case,

show examples

artistic type of

subjects

Use synonyms

are vital

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they sharpen individuals’ creative thinking aptitude. How much various information would get

students

Use synonyms

, that deeply they would be able to reason

Change the punctuation

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

vast

Add an article

the vast

show examples

majority of scientists are using their creativity acquired at primary schools in their professional

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

in making

Change preposition

to make

show examples

serious decisions.

To sum up

Linking Words

, art, music and drama

subjects

Use synonyms

are crucial in

study

Correct article usage

the study

show examples

curriculums of primary schools since they can shape

Use synonyms

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

personality

Fix the agreement mistake

personalities

show examples

in terms of their professions and reasoning skills.

Submitted by Magzhan on Mon Jan 13 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Try to develop your main points with more examples and reasoning. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.

coherence cohesion

Work on maintaining a clear line of argument throughout the essay. Use linking words to make your points flow more logically.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your arguments systematically.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task effectively by providing relevant examples to support your opinions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

248 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

holistic development
fostering
emotional intelligence
problem-solving skills
cultural awareness
curriculum
engaging
memorable
nurture
talents
core subjects
academic
professional success

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
In some cities public parks and open space are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, urban areas have witnessed a shift towards converting public parks and open spaces into community gardens where residents can grow fruits and vegetables. While there are some drawbacks to this approach, I believe the main benefits are more substantial and have a lasting impact on both individuals and communities.
5
band
Some expert believe that is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do they advantage of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, some people consider that learning a foreign language should be started at primary school rather than secondary school. Despite the drawback, I believe that the advantages far dominate the drawback. This essay will elaborate them in further details.
4.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits id society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
While some people see elderly as an issue for the government, I believe the opposite because the presence of ageing population indicates that a country has a high happiness rate. In my opinion, it outweighs the drawbacks.
4.5
band
Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many wealthy societies assist poor people by giving them money or another benefit, while that does not open the poverty issue. In addition, advanced government ought to help the poorer classes with different types of aid. I agree that poorer countries who recieve the aid from the riche countries to enhance their economic issues, I feel that for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay.
5
band
Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
While many believe that children should study all subjects at school, others argue that they should only study subjects they perform well or interested. Both point of view and reason why I agree with the former statement will be elaborated on in this essay.

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

In some cities public parks and open space are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some expert believe that is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do they advantage of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.