IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crimes and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

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In
this
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 day and age, the public argues that the number of crimes is rising significantly. There are many reasons behind
this
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such
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 as low security and financial issues
due to
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 many citizens being unemployed. To solve it, there are several arguments and prime solutions that should be adopted by the authorities.
To begin
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 with, there are two primary reasons why the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate has been increasing. Commonly, the main cause is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of control by the authority , especially in suburban
areas
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. To illustrate,
people
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 living in suburban
areas
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 come from low-income families that can not afford low to CCTV,
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due
Correct word choice
and due
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 to
this
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 folk can easily commit a
crime
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 without being afraid of being caught.
Secondly
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, poor financial conditions because
unemployment
Change preposition
of unemployment
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 can encourage
people
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 to commit
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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.
This
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 means that, if
people
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 do not have anything like treasure and money
people
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 will start to thinking become a thief.
As a result
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, innocent
people
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 will become victims of criminal acts like robbery and burglary. To solve
this
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 situation, there are several solutions that can be adopted by the government. The prime solution is to increase patrols by cops around the city especially at midnight , especially in quiet places like in suburban
areas
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.
This
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 issue can prevent criminal acts
due to
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 low chances.
Furthermore
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, the authority should be open to investment opportunities that can impact to reduce unemployment.
For instance
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, If
public
Correct article usage
the public
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 work and sufficient income, they do not have reasons to become a robber.
To sum up
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, It is clear there are different factors that can lead
community
Add an article
the community
a community
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 to commit a
crime
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 which are very low patrols by police in some
areas
Use synonyms
 and unemployment factors. To reduce these issues, there are several solutions that can be adopted by the government.

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Language Use
Consider using more varied sentence structures to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that all parts of the essay are clearly linked by using transitions effectively.
Organization
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining focus throughout.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively by identifying causes and suggesting solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow between paragraphs generally supports the overall argument.
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