IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#countries #children #work #people #responsibility
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In several
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
child
Use synonyms
 labor is very rampant. Other people
percieve
Correct your spelling
perceive
this
Linking Words
 as a wrong practice
while
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 others would
also
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tell
Verb problem
say
show examples
 that it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way to experience work at a very young
age
Use synonyms
. In my own opinion,I firmly believe that teens at a very young
age
Use synonyms
 should not
be engage
Change the verb form
be engaged
be engaging
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
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 any work
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 it hampers their time in
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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 and will not have the chance to enjoy their childhood.
To begin
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 with ,being involved in working for money at a young
age
Use synonyms
 is completely wrong.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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this
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 will
loose
Replace the word
lose
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 the chance
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the kids to enjoy the most important aspects of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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such
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 as schooling and education.Without
such
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 qualities
Add a comma
,
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they cannot withstand
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
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 of
this
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 competitive world.A
child
Use synonyms
 can only gain knowledge and skills through
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper academic activity.For example, a
countries
Change noun form
country's
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 literacy rate can determine its development , a nation with a higher literacy rate attains
a
Remove the article
apply
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greater progress in the future.
Therefore
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,without learning a teenager cannot achieve
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
success in his life.So every
child
Use synonyms
 should be involved in academics rather than earning.
On the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 some argue that by doing a job at early youth one can attain valuable experience.
Although
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 a
child
Use synonyms
 can gain some money by having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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work without studies ,it will be suitable for a short period
on
Change preposition
of
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 time.The kid cannot succeed in life without a proper education .
For instance
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 ,
according to
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 the survey the
philippine
Capitalize word
Philippine
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 government established legal laws to punish employers ,who hire
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
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 under the
age
Use synonyms
 of 16 and
also
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 several
ameneties
Correct your spelling
amenities
like educational
assitance
Correct your spelling
assistance
for indigenous families provided by the government to encourage its children to go to school.
Hence
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, it is necessary for every
child
Use synonyms
 to attend academic
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
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rather than in a job.
To sum up
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,it is evident that some parts of the world engaged in
child
Use synonyms
 employment which is inappropriate .All kids
msut
Correct your spelling
must
 go to school to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper schooling for at least until the
age
Use synonyms
 of 18.By which they will be competitive enough to compete in
this
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 busy world. In my own opinion,youth must be directed to the academic side, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should impose
a strict laws
Correct the article-noun agreement
strict laws
a strict law
show examples
 for those who are hiring minors for jobs before the minimum
age
Use synonyms
 of 18.
Submitted by xoxoxobels on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction presents both views more clearly by framing the issue before stating your opinion to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases like 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition' to create a smoother flow between ideas.
supported main points
Provide stronger support for your main points by including more specific examples or evidence that dovetail effectively with the arguments made.
task achievement
The essay does well in presenting a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
An effective introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the key points and your stance.
task achievement
The arguments presented demonstrate a thoughtful understanding of the impacts of child labor.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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