IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Copetitve sports have been argued to have positive effecton child education by some, will other oppose. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Competitive
adventure
Fix the agreement mistake
adventures
show examples
 are significant. They provide them with social and emotional benefits as well and business
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 an excellent way to interact among clan. Especially in our time, when
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 spend a long time following digital screens. Competitive play can contribute by preparing
children
Use synonyms
 to achieve
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
great achievements in life both in their childhood
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 after they grow up. They are an extraordinary way to
social
Change the word
socially
show examples
 interact among
clan
Fix the agreement mistake
clans
show examples
 if the child is unable to organize his emotions or interact with others. The organizational structure
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 collective play can help to create a safe environment which
learn
Change the verb form
learns
show examples
 important social skills. folk must participate in competitive play that will teach them how to find solutions to the problems
which
Correct pronoun usage
that they
show examples
 may face
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 playing. Sometimes, learning how to control feelings of frustration that they felt because of team members.
Also
Linking Words
, teamwork helps
children
Use synonyms
 to gain goals
such
Linking Words
 as winning a match, which earns
children
Use synonyms
 significant experiences that
last
Linking Words
 with them throughout life,
that include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 how to lead or follow others and negotiate with them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
 need organized and unregulated times for practice of play. Each of them contributes to their development in a different way. Noting that building personal qualities
such
Linking Words
 as perseverance and credibility will have
long-lastinglast
Correct your spelling
long-lasting
 benefits that serve
children
Use synonyms
 in their lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sport offers a highly organized environment that allows
children
Use synonyms
 to predict what will happen next. Exercise and game
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
 provide them
an
Add the preposition
with an
show examples
 opportunity to exercise regularly. Negative childhood experiences may remain stuck in an individual's memory for activity, but research has shown that exercise has positive effects on the mental health of people,
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who live in difficult circumstances in their houses. In conclusion, competitive
enterprise
Fix the agreement mistake
enterprises
show examples
 are important to growth the of
children
Use synonyms
. In my opinion
Add a comma
,
show examples
competitive business can enhance their skills in different fields.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by organizing ideas more clearly into distinct paragraphs, such as introduction, body with clear points, and conclusion. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will add depth to your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay touches on many relevant points about the benefits of competitive sports for children, such as social skills, emotional control, and teamwork.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: