Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Recently, a
noticable
proportion of Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
people
trying to fix their health problems with Use synonyms
unkown
Correct your spelling
unknown
treatments
and Use synonyms
altertnative
Correct your spelling
alternative
medicines
, Use synonyms
such
as Linking Words
plants
Fix the agreement mistake
plant
extract
and eating Correct subject-verb agreement
extracts
differant
vegetables, despite Correct your spelling
different
of
visiting their general doctor. In my Change preposition
apply
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
this
is a negative development, since Linking Words
blindly
Change the word
blind
treatments
and Use synonyms
approachs
may have Correct your spelling
approaches
approach
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
consequence
.
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
Firstly
, basically, when Linking Words
people
get sick in Use synonyms
winter
season, numerous individuals rely on alternative Add an article
the winter
medicines
, Use synonyms
for instance
boiling plant extracts. Linking Words
However
, it could Linking Words
be sounds
like Change the verb form
sound
a
innocent Correct article usage
an
Use synonyms
treatments
, Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
although
plants Linking Words
has
Change the verb form
have
very
rich Correct article usage
a very
compaunds
population and blindly Correct your spelling
compound
consume of
Wrong verb form
consuming
this
tea may trigger your immune system. Linking Words
Therefore
, it is Linking Words
imposible
to know how your body will show Correct your spelling
impossible
reaction
to Add an article
a reaction
the reaction
compaunds
without Correct your spelling
compounds
go
to Change the verb form
going
doctor
. Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
Furthermore
, if you Linking Words
cant
use the right Correct your spelling
can't
treatments
in Use synonyms
this
allergic reactionLinking Words
,
after the Remove the comma
apply
anafilactic
shock clear result is Correct your spelling
anaphylactic
definetly
dead.
Correct your spelling
definitely
Secondly
, individuals Linking Words
cant
detect Correct your spelling
can't
to
which type of phytogen Change preposition
apply
exist
in their body. Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
Moreover
, if Linking Words
person
Add an article
a person
the person
do
not have Change the verb form
does
a information
about the Remove the article
information
a piece of information
harmfull
organism, all the alternative Correct your spelling
harmful
medicines
and Use synonyms
treatments
will not Use synonyms
effective
. For illustrate, when individuals have a troat pain, Add a missing verb
be effective
a
various Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
people
Use synonyms
using
antibiotics Wrong verb form
use
directlly
, despite not Correct your spelling
directly
aware
of Add a missing verb
being aware
Correct article usage
the enfection
enfection
type. Correct your spelling
infection
Furthermore
, if Linking Words
cause
of the enfection is a virus Add an article
the cause
unfortunatelly
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
antibotics
will just Correct your spelling
antibiotics
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
to
gut microbioms and Change preposition
apply
this
damage Linking Words
have
a big negative impact Correct subject-verb agreement
has
to
our mutual gut Change preposition
on
bacterias
.
Fix the agreement mistake
bacteria
To conclude
, the number of Linking Words
people
who Use synonyms
is
choosing alternative Change the verb form
are
medicines
and Use synonyms
treatments
Use synonyms
instead
of visiting their usual doctor increasing day by day. In my view, blindly Linking Words
approachs
and Correct your spelling
approaching
consume
false Wrong verb form
consuming
medicines
can Use synonyms
born
Verb problem
bring
anexpected
results.Correct your spelling
unexpected
Submitted by ozkansesen07 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, consider using clearer transitions between your paragraphs and ideas. This will help to guide the reader smoothly from one point to another.
Task Achievement
While your ideas are relevant and on-topic, try to develop them more thoroughly with additional examples or explanations. This can help strengthen the persuasiveness of your essay.
Other
Be mindful of small spelling and grammatical errors. While they don't drastically affect your score, addressing these can enhance the overall clarity of your writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear stance on the issue, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You have attempted to use specific examples to illustrate your points, which is beneficial for task achievement.
Task Achievement
The main ideas are relevant and address the prompt effectively, which supports a complete response.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example