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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given line graph illustrates
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 what extent four different sweeteners were available in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 in the
period
Use synonyms
 1966 to 2012. The information is presented in
pounds
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is immediately apparent that
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the
Use synonyms
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 there was an upward trend, and
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
 it could be observed a decrease in the total
availability
Use synonyms
 of sweeteners. It is evident that
Use synonyms
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of sweeteners
such
Linking Words
 as honey and edible syrups
was fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 during the all
period
Use synonyms
 about approximately 12 and 8
pounds
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
, respectively.
The corn
Correct article usage
Corn
show examples
 sweets were becoming more and more available from 1966 to 2001, it increased from 17% to 80
pounds
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, a slight decrease was recorded between 2001 and 2011. In 2011, it made up 60
pounds
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
. There was a downward trend in the
availability
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 of refined cane and beet sugars. In 1966, the
availability
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 of these products was about 100
pounds
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
, in 1986, it
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 already constituted approximately 65. Afterwards, it was hesitating
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 60
pounds
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, pounds, person, availability with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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