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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below show the average carbon dioxide emmisions per person in the Uk, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 to 2007.

The graph below show the average carbon dioxide emmisions per person in the Uk, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 to 2007.
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The line graph illustrates the average output of
carbon
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dioxide
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 in metric
tonnes
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 for each individual in four countries from 1967 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, when considering all the figures,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the UK had the highest amount of emissions
while
Linking Words
 Sweden, Italy and Portugal had the smallest representation. At the onset, it is evident that the UK had released approximately 11 metric
tonnes
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 of
carbon
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dioxide
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 in the first year. After that, there was a dramatic change in figures which accounted for 10 metric
tonnes
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.
However
Linking Words
, from 1987 to 2007, the ratio was slightly declined to 9 metric
tonnes
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Portugal had a minority of
carbon
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dioxide
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 emissions in 1967. But, from 1977 to 2007, the figure was moderately inclined to nearly 6 metric
tonnes
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. Looking at
further
Linking Words
 details, just over 4 metric
tonnes
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 of
carbon
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dioxide
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 were released by Italy in the initial year.
However
Linking Words
, from 1977 to 2007, the ratio increased by nearly 8 metric
tonnes
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the proportion of emissions stood at around 9 metric
tonnes
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 for Sweden in the first year. After ten years, the ratio slightly rose to just over 10
tonnes
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. But, from 1987 to 2007, the figure was moderately decreased to approximately 5 metric
tonnes
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words carbon, dioxide, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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