IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

These days mobile phone and internet are very important to way in which people can relate to one another socially. Do advantages of this development out with the disadvantages

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In our rapidly evolving
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 there are various
medium
Fix the agreement mistake
mediums
show examples
 through which
people
Use synonyms
 get in touch with each other. I believe there are significant benefits of mobile phones and the
internet
Use synonyms
 with only a few minor drawbacks. Through mobile phones and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
Add a comma
internet,
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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people
Use synonyms
 get in touch with
other
Change the wording
another person
other people
show examples
person
Use synonyms
. There are various
medium
Fix the agreement mistake
mediums
show examples
 like messenger,
WhatsApp
Correct word choice
and WhatsApp
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 through which
people
Use synonyms
 get to know another
person
Use synonyms
 in
other part
Change the wording
another part
other parts
show examples
 of the world.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it helps to reduce the distance by connecting two
Use synonyms
person
Change to a plural noun
people
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although
Linking Words
being
Verb problem
they are
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 far from each other.
For example
Linking Words
: most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Nepalese students are in different parts of the world and thanks to all those
source
Change the determiner
sources
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 of connection their parents
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 easily get in touch with them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a
down side
Correct your spelling
downside
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 to
use
Wrong verb form
using
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 various gadgets and
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 as the
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
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 of digital theft
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 rising. Digital
thefts
Correct your spelling
thieves
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tries
Change the verb form
try
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 to reach to
person
Use synonyms
 through various
medium
Fix the agreement mistake
mediums
show examples
 like WhatsApp and give various
offer
Fix the agreement mistake
offers
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if the
people
Use synonyms
 are greedy they will accept their offer and
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the process of
demanding
Wrong verb form
demand
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 starts.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they ask for few
money
Use synonyms
 taking their prize is
in
Change preposition
at
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 the airport so to delivered
you
Correct pronoun usage
it you
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 have to send
money
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 process
continue
Change the verb form
continues
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 until
thief
Correct article usage
the thief
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gets
Verb problem
is
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 satisfied and
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 out the
money
Use synonyms
 that he or
c
Correct your spelling
she
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 thought of.
For instance
Linking Words
: many
people
Use synonyms
 are receiving WhatsApp
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
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 stating they have received a gift so to collect it call back. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
, there are some
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 of
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 mobile phones and the
internet
Use synonyms
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
through digital theft
money
Use synonyms
 can be gone. The advantages of it are more powerful as we will always have a feeling of being with the
person
Use synonyms
 all though they are physically away from us.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on structuring paragraphs better, ensuring each one contains a clear main idea and additional supporting details.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to provide clearer topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph fully supports and develops one main idea.
Task Achievement
Provide more diverse and detailed examples to illustrate your points and enhance your argument.
Task Achievement
Try to further develop the ideas presented in the body paragraphs to make them more comprehensive and detailed.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction is concise and clearly states the main argument, giving a good overview of what to expect in the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing the writer's viewpoint.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the topic, maintaining focus throughout.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instantaneous
  • digital communication
  • geographical barriers
  • social networking
  • face-to-face interactions
  • overdependence
  • privacy concerns
  • cyberbullying
  • online communities
  • unparalleled access
What to do next:
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